Day 1 No Smokes No Coffee Morning to afternoon

Well i have done it its now 2.39 pm and i have not had 1 coffee of smoke today,
I havent found it to bad today, just trying to keep myself busy,
Getting the boys to daycare this morning was stressful, I kept getting red lights and stuck in traffic,
the missionaries brought over some grapefruit juice and a few other things, the grapefruit juice is horrid, though it does what it needs to lol,

Anyway  that's it for now,

Q how much baking do you do? and what do you cook?

Annoying Little Thing

Ok so this might sound very trivial though i have notice one little annoying thing with Daniel, 

He has to have the last word/say

I know that this is the least of our concerns and worries though it is really annoying and it really bugs me, it's nothing major or anything though when ever we are talking about life in general or the kids etc, what ever i say he has to have the last little bit, if i add anything onto his last little bit he adds more after and it can continue on like this until i leave it and walk away I know this might and does sound really selfish of me though it really gets under my skin, And its not just me he does it with its with everyone




I dont know how anyone else feels about this though it can get me feeling quite embarrassed when we go out of i have people over as its the same then as well

Q: Do you know anyone like this? And if so how do you deal with it?

2 more day

well its only 2 more day now until i give up Smokes Alcohol and Coffee, i havent had  a drink since Christmas my last drink before that was when Daniel and I had a weekend away and then before that was a couple of weeks before i found out i was pregnant with Deacan so giving up Alcohol wont be that bad/hard for me

the hardest bit will be the Coffee and Smokes, thought its well worth it, so come Monday there is nothing!!!!! i am so looking forward to it, its a small price to pay though well worth it in the end,

Had a visit from the missionaries today, it was good chatting to them and also learning about the 10 commandments and also the few commandments that the Church holds,
they told me good new today :) As long as i stop smoking when i do and Stop completely i can be baptized a week after that so i am so happy i will be a member of the Holland Park Chapter,

SO my Baptism is booked for the 11/2/11 at 4pm I'm scared though happy about it at the same time,  They said because its such a big step for me it would be good if my Family could be there for it, though i can see Daniel wont be able to get the time off work plus he wont just for that any way, I will have the boys with me so Sister Preston will be able to give me a hand with them, I dont want to ask Peter if he would mind coming as i know he wont know what time he will finish work and plus he would of been on his feet all day
though i will make sure i take the camera to get some photos,

I know this doesnt mean anything to most people though it has a lot of meaning to me and i really want to do this,

I have Church tomorrow kinda scared about that, though it needs to be done, Sister Preston is letting me go with her and her family so i wont be alone for that, and i will have the missionaries there for support as well,

well that is it for now
Untill next time
Sarah xx

Added Things

Hey everyone just letting you all know that i have added more things to my blog aka links, i will be adding more and more as time goes on,
Feel free to have a look at what you want to as i am trying to add as much as i can to suit everyone,

Let me know what you think

Bring on Monday

Well as some of you know on Monday i am Quitting Smoking and drinking Coffee, i am going cold turkey on both, As part of my religion that i want to join you need to be with each of those for one week before you are able to be baptized,

Most people dont understand why i am doing this and thats fair enough i dont expect them to, though this is something that i need/want to do so i am going to do it, and it doesnt matter what anyone says i am still going to do it,

I will be keeping a Diary on here of each day so i can look back and see how i went with it all

Also on another note i have started to use my Fertility Friend account so i can get some understanding of my body and when i Ovulate and so forth, as so much has happend to my body in such a short amount of time, i have brought some OPK's off the internet to help me pin point the day i Ovulate as well, Plus it is great catching up with everyone on there as well
Though i figured that it would be great to understand what is going on with and what symptoms are with what, like O'ing and AF etc,

any how thats about it for the time being will fill you guys in with more later

Total Acne Treatments

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Saturday, January 22, 2011 - Morning

Dear Acne Sufferer,
You have probably read about different treatments for acne all over the internet. You may wonder if they work or if they are just designed to part you from your money. You have probably also heard about myths and home remedies that can be used to treat acne. You have most likely thought about them and have been a bit hesitant. It seems that there is so much information out there but so a lot of it is slanted in favour of one treatment. What should you do?
Anyone who ever suffered from acne, as I have, knows how problematic this condition can be for you. And I don't want you to suffer any longer. I also do not want you to end up purchasing products that cost a fortune and do not work (at least how they are advertised).
I have written a book completely about acne where every cure is discussed - all in one small tome.

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Total Acne Treatments, everything you need to know!

There is a lot of information on the internet of how to treat acne that is downright false. Many people, seeing you suffer, will take advantage of you and try to sell you a product that is made to clear up your pimples immediately. Most of these products do not work as well as they say that they do. However, there are tried and true treatments for acne.
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How Sweet

I feel truly  blessed i really do, last night i was really shown the true kindness of people,

The 2 missionaries that come to visit, talk and to do the lessons came over at around 8ish last night, Alisa my neighbor across the road had told them that Deacan was in hospital sick and they came over last night to see if he was ok and to see if there was anything that i needed/wanted a hand with,

Honestly how sweet is that really? i truly felt blessed to know them and i am very grateful that they have come into our lives,

God

They say that things happen for a reason and people come into our lives for a reason as well,

funny thing is with that saying i think that it is right,

Since the birth and death of Bryce i have lost all faith in God and i have been so angry at him that i have shut him out of my life and i had stopped believing and praying though about 3 weeks ago 2 young gentleman were in our neighborhood  sharing  the good name of the lord, they stopped to speak to me though had seen that i was busy taking the boys from the car into the house, so they waited there for me finish and asked if they could speak to me, so i thought i would stand there and listen to what they had to say, i told them that at this time i hated God i really did and i explained why they told me that they understood the pain that i was carrying around and said that it was a pain that i shouldnt have to carry alone they said some other stuff to though to be honest i cant remember, though back to it today they came over with my next door neighbor we all sat out the front talking for a bit 

While I was talking with them today, and told them that i hated god and that i had lost all belief and faith and i told them why, that i hated god for taking my son away and that he thought he was more needed up there in heaven than with his mum ...and dad, and after sitting and talking and listening and yes you did read correctly i listened i was able to understand the reasons behind it, they said a prayer at the end of our session to invite good spirits into our house to watch over us, and keep us safe and after they left i sat down and said a prayer to him asking for forgivness and said to him that i was sorry for hating him, and sorry for shutting him our of my life and asked for guideness back to him and after that i felt like so much guilt pain and sadness had been taken away

 

I am ready to open my heart back up to God and i am ready to restore my faith in him, I dont want to carry this sadness or guilt that i have on my own I am really ready for God to help through this now,

So with that said i leave this for you all

Our heavenly Father I ask that you please share this burden that i am carrying around, and to give me strength when i need it the most, May i ask that all the other Mothers and Fathers out their who have had their Children taken away be able to have the strength to keep their faith, I pray that all my close friends and my family are kept safe from harm, for them to stay in well health, In the name of Jesus Christ, amen

Q: to those who do have faith or have lost it and found it again, What has helped you carry on in the belief that God is out there and doesnt want us to go through the pain that we do

Page Views

Oh wow i am really surprised i really didnt think that many people would read my blog or care about my rambling though i had a look at the "All Time" Page views and this is what it shows

Pageviews by Countries

Australia 763 United States  763 Canada  213 Luxembourg  35 United Kingdom  30 Denmark  21 Brazil  18 Germany  18 Macau  18 Argentina  16

About to explode

I swear i am about to explode, the kids are really getting to me as of late, they are both being so defiant and naughty, Between the tantrums and screaming i honestly dont know how much more i can take before i flip out


This have really been getting to me my emotions are everywhere same as my hormones i am always tired though medically there is nothing wrong with me,
The doctor has put me on new anti depressants i have been taking them for about a week now so i hope these ones help,

My weight has finally gone up i am now 42.9kgs i am really happy about that as for the last 3 weeks when i had my weigh in i had lost weight all 3 times,

Daniel and I are still not seeing eye to eye and with that i have NO IDEA what to do, half of me thinks it would be better if he left and it was jsut the boys and I and the other half wants me to keep giving him chances

I just want to cry, i am really no handling this

My home buisness isnt doing to good i really thought that it would though i guess that was just money down the drain incase you dont know what i am talking about CLICK HERE


I really hope this all ends soon i really do

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What to do

Ever been stuck between a rock and a hard place before??
It feels as though i have been stuck there for a very long time now, and dont know what to do to get out, Its a catch 22 i guess, so how do you know if the choice you need to make is the right one or not,?
There is never an easy answer,

Things between Daniel and I are so so, they are not great though i guess they are not crap either,
We hardly talk to each other any more now

I guess the question is would it be better if daniel stays here or should i ask him to leave until he gets himself sorted and seeks help for the things that he needs help with

Need to Vent... Need to Cry

So much is going on right no its unbelievable, We are in one of the biggest disasters that i know of here in Queensland, we are going through a massive flood, People overseas dont really know just how bad it is, though when you tell them that the amount of land that is under water is basically the same land mass of Germany and France put together they then start to get a rough idea, so many lives have been lost and there are still so many more people missing, I really do hope they end up being found alive and ok, though the more time goes by the more chances of that is becoming more grim, people have lost their homes and all their belongings people have lost their source of income and now have to worry about how they are going to feed their families and how they are going to live... so what i am about to vent/write about it really going to sound so very very selfish though i need to get it out, and here in my blog i know i can write what i need to and get out what i need to

I know there is a saying out there something along the lines of "be grateful for what you have as there are people out there worse of than you"

Any yeah i am very and i mean VERY grateful that we still have our home, i still have my family as none of them were lost or missing, we still have food in the cupboards it might not be much food though we still at least have some.... so after saying all of that what i am about to say/write is going to sound down right selfish and disrespectful to all though as i said i need to get it out and vent and get it off my chest and her ei know i can write whats on my mind and in my heart

i really dont know where to begin or how to start it so i am really sorry
though please bare with me as i just write everything down and get it all out

Thing have been really tough for Daniel the boys and I  mostly the one thing that really stresses us out is money
on Tuesday when the flooding began i lost my job, like yeah the pay wasnt to crash hot though at least it was some extra money coming in where we would be able to do a good food shop get bills paid etc , most of our problems started before Christmas as work said for me not to come in for the last week before Christmas and work was shutting down for 2 weeks over the break so that was 3 weeks that i wouldnt get paid for and we cant survive just off Daniels income, so you could guess it was  a very bleek Christmas, i had my family around so that was the main thing,
Daniel and I were only just able to put food on the table for the boys that was only after ebing able to borrow $200 per week for the 3 weeks off Daniels mum Jill and i am grateful for that

My weight if a very big problem now as most of you know i suffer from an eating disorder/s i have done since i was 18, Anorexia and bulimia  I thought i was over it all up until we lost our son Bryce when i was 21, my weight started to drop after that i guess you could say because my weight was the only thing that i was in control of, and at that time i needed to be in control of something as my whole world had come crashing down, though with all the stress that has been going on here my weight has dropped yet again, now to the point i can not put it on doesnt matter how hard i try nothing is seeming to work, the steroid that i am taking are keeping my weight stable though they are not helping me put it on, I guess to because i am not eating enough, I know i am not used to eating  3 meals a day plus snacks in between i try to eat as much as i can though now every time i eat now all i feel like doing is throwing up, i had the choice today to be admitted into hospital to help gut my weight up as i am now down to 42.1kgs, I know i dont eat that much here at home as i really dont know how long the food will last and i wont let Daniel or the boys go with out i would prefer to starve then to make them not eat

We are about to get out power disconnected as we havent paid our bill as it was due around Christmas time, and at that stage i had not been working so money was tight and food for my children was more important, i called them today to organize a payment plan and explained to them that i had just lost my job and that money was really tight, and that over the Christmas period i wasnt working and to be honest putting food on the table for my kids was more important i told them that we could really only afford to pay $20 off per week though he said that we have to pay $75 per fortnight, and asked if that was ok or would i like to pay more, i told him we couldnt even afford that though we are going to have to come up with the money some how, Also on top of that my mobile is about to go as well for the same reasons, Plus with rego coming up as well thing are just getting worse and worse, Im  finding it hard to get a job again, as with the floods etc its alot harder,
so i am scared that we are not going to be able to put food on the table for the kids and we are going to have no power etc,

As i said right at the start that i know there are people worse off than us though i really had to get this out, i am sorry if i sound selfish as mud i really am

First Donation

I am so happy that i have just gotten my first donation for me shaving my head to raise money for lukemia
may i please ask that everyone gets this link out there

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=154982534553861&num_event_invites=560

Worlds Greatest Shave 2011

Worlds Greatest Shave 2011
Please sponsor me guys its for such a great cause

Shave for A Cure

hey everyone its that time of the year again, the year advent "Shave for a cure" and this year i want to do it
so my  question to all is

Who will sponsor me???

All monies raised will go to charity

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Special price for the next couple weeks of $29.95 then going up to the normal price of $49.95

 

 

If you have any questions at all about it feel free to as, even if you are not interested in doing it can you please pass/re post all this information so the word gets around as i dont have the money to put into it at the moment for advertising 

Vivid DreamLa

st night i had the most vivid dream i have ever had it felt so real right down to the pain i experienced in my dream,
im not to sure if i was at hospital or out with a big group of people around me though i dreamed i was in labor again, this was so full on right down to the intense pain of ever contraction I have not had a dream like in a very very long time,
it was really scary, does any one know what this could mean? and before any one asks no i am not pregnant

My new website

Hey everyone i have paid money with one of those online wed home businesses  here is the link to it please pass it to all your friends as well

http://sarah6679.eliteweightlosspackage.com

Model Mayhem

well i have now started my portfolio for modeling here is the link to it let me know what you think

http://www.modelmayhem.com/heartness