Tuesday, June 28, 2011

creating a new blog

So i am going to be creating a new blog, and no longer use this one, please sendme your email, if you would like to be able to see the new blog

So Angry At Ob

I had a very horrible Ob appointment today, i left them angry, let down and stupid.

 To start with i knew he wasnt going to be hay with seeing me again, as i am a very high risk patient,

though i went in there, and stated talking to him about it all, he told me "i thought you were going to get your tubes tied after your last pregnancy" i told him that th hospital i had him at said because i was under 25 and that they thought my medical history didnt warrant one that they were not going to do it, though its ok this will be the last one as DH is going in for the big snip tomorrow, he hen responded with  "we will see about that"

any how i started to talk to him about the heaviness and pressure that i was feeling and told him that i didnt get this with DS3 until further on then 3 weeks later i went into labor, he then told me that it was nothing just the pregnancy ligaments and nothing to worry about also keep in mine tat i have an IC and i funnel early,

then i asked him about when i get my stitch, he told me i wasnt going to get a stitch this time only progesterone, and i will get that at about 14 weeks, as they are going to nothing until 14 weeks

Any questions that i did have he just dismissed me or made me feel stupid about asking....

I cant change Ob's as he is the best at what he does here where i am i am

I have to go back and see him in 4 weeks,
tough he scheduled an u/s for next friday the 8th its my NT scan, and will also be having a cervical length done as well

Monday, June 27, 2011


my new belly photo

two faced

i really dont know what it is with people though why do they have to be  two face...

They act really nice when they want something then they turn around and be very two faced, or cause crap over stuff that isnt even needed, or just make lies up....

what peeves me of even more is that you have someone out of our life and then they turn around and stalk everything you do to try and find out any information you might have, they stalk you blog... yes i mean this blog... ask questions about you at certain public places (my children's daycare) they stare at you when ever they see you and pump other people for information... do they really think i wont find out??? like come get over yourself... oh and if you want to get people to add me on MY facebook to find out goss..... 
for someone who has dropped my family like a piece of shit, you are doing everything you can to find shit out that has nothing to do with you

Have you had someone/people in your life who have done this?? i so what did you do to get rid of them,???


Well not to much has been happening with me,

I have my OB appointment tomorrow looking forward to it for a couple of reasons, my OB will more than likely send me for another ultrasound as i have been really heavy down there also I have had a lot of pressure as well and i didn get that with DS2 and 3 until later on..... I will also have a date and time for my stitch as well, so that will be a lot better,

Besides that not to much has been going on with peanut i have been cramping on and off I am just putting that down to RLP well thats all i am hoping it is any how,

Saturday, June 25, 2011



thats all i can say........

someone typed this into google to get somethingout of my bog

"heartness1 sex drive"


Friday, June 24, 2011


Having a face to face meeting today with Daycare, the director called me last night at 6.30pm from her own home to find out what is going on and why i am taking the kids out,

All i can say is that she is not happy with the carers at her center one bit

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


I just dont understand i truly dont,

I pray to heavenly father almost EVERY day. for strength and for forgiveness of my sins and that everything is ok with peanut and that i will make it to 40 weeks with out a problem

I try my very best not to sin, though some days i do though i repent for it,

Though still with me praying for everything to beok it hasnt benn,

i have had 2 large bleeds in 24 hours :( i go in or an ultrasound tomorrow, i will be 10w6d,

I guess i just wantto know why he is letting this happen for? am i doing something wrong?

Saturday, June 18, 2011

old wives tale

well i guess the old wives tale is true about a kookaburra meaning you are pregnant,

I was going out to the clothes line to put some old bread out there for the birds and this is what i seen  this thing was huge

Friday, June 17, 2011

Not happy with the kids daycare

An email that i sent to the daycare today once the kids got home

Hello ......
I a really sorry to be sending you this email, tough I am not happy one bit about the kids today being at daycare (17/06/11)
I know non of this is your fault and I am very sorry if this email comes across really angry.
I sent deacan to daycare with 3 bottles today, And he had not had ONE of them, I am sure the girls would of given him water during he day through his sippy cup though its not like him at all not to have a bottle, then to down 2 FULL bottles in the car on the way home,
Also another thing is that both the boys were sent with full lunch boxes today, and the only thing they had both eaten out of them was their sandwiches, I know that the daycare provides Morning and afternoon tea, so I am guessing that they ate that, tough they have come home starving,and I have never seen both the boys eat so much in such little time,
I am really sorry for this email, as I know this is NOT your fault at all though I am really not happy with the care they have received today, I caled .... at 6pm once both the Daniel's got home from daycare to speak about this, he said he is going to leave a note for the girls, as the ones looking after them were not there
I will try to speak to you about this on Monday,
Once again I am sorry for the angry email
Kind Regards
Sarah Atkinson

Thursday, June 16, 2011


my ultrasound and midwie appointment went well today,

peanut is measuring 10 weeks and has a heart rate of 180 bpm, people keep telling me its a girl thouh honestly as long as that heart is beating when its born i really dont care what it is, I was told that Deacan as a girl LOL though he wasnt
Any way here is a photo of my ultrasound


this lady

"kate Jones"


Is a massive scammer.... and a dirty lair!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

oh WOW

Pageviews today
Pageviews yesterday
Pageviews last month
Pageviews all time history

mental abuse

there needs to be a law against it....... guess i cant expect anything less hey..... its always something.......

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Looks like i was scammed

Well looks like i have been scammed
I have had a lady at me on Facebook to re shave my head for a photo shoot, that is meant to pay $2,500 for 2 1/2 days work
So i finally decided to talk to her about it and get more info, so doing that everything sounded legit, so i go and shave my head completely, once i had done it she stops talking o me, so i sent her a few emails regarding it and then after a couple more days she responds to me that her mother passed away so i though ok ad leftitlike that emailed her again after i had seen she had been on and then she responds back with in a couple more days, its been over a week i have emailed her and emailed her and nothin so i reported her to facebook, as i dont think its fair, i have all theemails and everything still she has sent me about it.....

note to self, dont be so trusting!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

perigestational haematoma

I got my scan results from the doctor today peanut is doing really well though i have a perigestational haematoma though i cant seem to find any info out on it only what other people have asked....

though i am having some prety bad pains, im getting a very shap intence ripping type pain :(  spotting is on and off a lot of brown spotting mixed with CM and somtimes red, going to cal EPAU tomorrow and see what she says about it

Monday, June 6, 2011


YAY i have another scan today, so cant wait :)

Saturday, June 4, 2011


I know this is possibly a long shot though what are the chances of me going into PTl with this peanut?

with DS1 i went into labor at 23 weeks he was born sleeping
with DDS2 i had an emergency stitch placed at 21 week he was born at 25 weeks (he is now 2)
with DS3 i went into labor at 22 weeks stitch was taken out on hospital bed rest until 32 weeks he was born at 33 weeks,

with this peanut i have the stitch placed at 13 weeks, and they are also going to stat me on progesterone pessaries then as well, now i dont smoke any more (been just over 3 months with out one, also dont drink coffee, and have better help with DS2 and 3

So long story short what are te chances of me going into PTL this time?

Im just really scared of having another child pass away, or also havin to have another 10 weeks hospital stay,

Does anyone know anything that might help me not have PTL?

Friday, June 3, 2011


hmm strange, havng a look through my posts through the admin part and its telling me i have more comments than what i do on some posts...

markets on suday

Well we are going to have another market stall on suday, so that means a 2am start to be there by 4am to set up, its going to be god, goingto have a massive range of stuff from DVDs PC games, toys, clothes, plastic wear and cooking stuff, and alot more  other things, really looking forward to it to be honest,

what is it with people

a comment is a comment, and if people want to leave thm though so be it touh why lie about who you are in a comment??? like the comment below, if you are a non Ff user ten how do you know i have it posted??? i really wish people would stop reading my blog to cause shit ad read it because they want to

AnonFFuser said...
You know you like the attention. Why pretend to be annoyed. If you don't want people looking at your blog why do you have it frickin LINKED in your signature on FF?!

8 weeks

Yay 8 weeks today, only 4 more weeks until i am in the first safe zone, have another ultrasound on monday, to see if peanut is growing like it should be

Tuesday, May 31, 2011


had my ultrasound and peanut is looking great :)
we have a heartbeat of 148bpm, and it is only measuring 3 days behind,
though its so cute :)

Monday, May 30, 2011

hurtful Posts

i thought i would post this so i cant be accused of being an attention whore or making it up

kovu wrote:
ladyyell0 wrote:
Did y'all catch the 6 wk belly thread??? And there was only 1 contender!!!! The only one who's anorexic enough to start showing that early!!

At least she waited until 6 weeks, on our board she started at 4

Yes, we got the 4 week belly pics, too. Um, sweetheart, it's called bloat. And that "movement" you're feeling? Gas. Something the size of a sunflower seed isn't going to be kicking just yet.

there is a lot more of them, though i honestly cant be bothered copying and posting all of them on here


I have just had something pointed out to me that is really upsetting,
I am apart of a site that is meant to be caring and understanding where you can post anything you need to or want to get help/support, and you can do the same for others
I made a post on this site stating that i "THOUGHT" i felt movement, like yeah i know its "WAY" to early to feel anything tough i just wanted to know if any of the other ladies were he same,  though they took it to another thread on the site and started bagging the shit out of me, saying how it was just gas ra ra ra, like you hink i don know this???

Also another one was they were after belly pics, so i posted one of mine,  like yes i know its not baby as bub isnt big enough though they turn around and start calling me anorexic, and saying how is bloat and all that BS,

I feel sorry for one lady on the board, she cheated on her husband (cant remember the full story) thouh know she is pregnant and these lades are carrying on about that to,

It just so shockin how some people can be so rude and spiteful and just wrong, 

People wonder why i don tell them things for, as when i finally do i get accused of being an attention whore and a lair

I feel like the other ladies on my Due date Bord have a right to know, though i really don't want to cause them all the stress and the sadness that these spiteful ladies cause, though of cause we report them an nothing will happen shock horror there

they areall acting like a bunch of high school teens,  and they are meant to be mothers and mum to be,
just shows you that people can be a bunch or morons

Sunday, May 29, 2011


I am so sick of the rudeness of some people. thy just push and push and push, and at the moment i have had so much other stuff on my mind, with work and this pregnancy plus with me being the only one who was working, my kids, deacan's surgery though no its not that hard is it........
on another note had the market stall today, it didnt go to bad, we are going o go back next week and this time take a lot more stuff with us, as we forgot most of it, as i was in a rush,

have another scan tomorrow, looking forward to it though also scared at the same time, find out if bub is growing like it should be as last week it didnt grow that much, though on a plus side i am geting bigger and also feeling more sicker to, morning sickness has kicked in big time,

Friday, May 27, 2011

7 weeks

Well i am 7 weeks today, only 5 more weeks until i am out of the high danger zone though I dont get out of the danger zone until i am about 24 weeks, though all is seeming to go well now, had no spotting today and very little cramping so thats a good thing, thought i would also post a photo of my 7 week belly

Thursday, May 26, 2011


I have another scan today, i really hope that everything is going well I cant wait to see what peanuts heart beat is at now

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


well i have another Ultrasound on Thursday i will be 6w6d 
not really sure what i will see, tough i hope peanuts heartbeat is a lot higher :) and that my hematoma has gone down, been getting some bleeding and spotting for the past couple of weeks and some cramping as well, tough most o the pain is going with some painkillers i hate having to take them though thats what the hospital has told me to do

though on the up side of the ultrasound at least i will find out if there is one or two heartbeats,  as she thought she could see 2 sacs side y side though wasnt 100% sure, so i guess thursday will let me know for sure,

Back from Surgery

well deacan is back home now, his surgery went really well,  he looks really swollen and sore, though all in all everything went well,
we just need to keep te pain killers in him for 24 hours every 6 hours, then only need to give it to him when we feel that he needs them,

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Doctors Appointmen

Wll i need to make a doctors appointment n\this weeks, so i can get another referral for another ultrasound, EPAU (Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit) wants me to go for another to make sure everything is going ok, and that the hematoma is startin to go away,
Oh the plus side the bleeding has stopped, though i know it can come back at any time, So i am just taking it easy and resting as much as i can so i don't aggravate things, though it really sucks as EPAU said i am not allowed to pick the boys up or do much house wok, so pretty much all i can do is go to work and putmy feet up when ever i can, i guessi justhav to get used to not doing much and taking breaks as much as i need thm,

Though when i have my ultrasound i will be7 - 8 weeks so i am hoping i can see a lot more and and bubs heart beat is up higher tan 109, any way thats it for now will post more later

Saturday, May 21, 2011


isnt it funny the lengths people will go to to look at a blog?
People my seriously forget that i can see who sees my blog and how they get is, but oh well... then to ccome around to my forum and suss that our seriously get over it,
You would seriously think as i have not posted in here for a while that NOTHING has happened, NOTHING has happend that you can bad me out about or cal my a lair over though i guess if they wanna add the stats for me then THANK YOU!!!!!!!! it always good to see that it gets seen, though there is nothing to read much over any how,

Deacan's surgery is coming up

Well Deacan's surgery is coming up, today is Saturday and his surgery is on Tuesday, I have the whole day off work for it, though if he is ok and is fine come the afternoon i am going to go in,
im a tad bit scared with it, though i know he will be fine as he is strong and is a fighter, though the number one thing that scared me was that the doctors said that because he has had a chest infection in the past 4 weeks there is a higher chance of him having a bronciolspasam (sorry about spelling) and that is what is scaring me the most,
Daniel and I are allowed to walk down he hall with him before he goes into surgery though i get really freaked out with it, and i dont want to stress Deacan out any more than what he is going to be,
I know that my hormones are going to be everywhere and then also seeing my little baby in pain and not being able to take the pain away is going to be hurtful as well, though the main thing is that he wont be in pain for long (a couple of days at the most) and the hospital will send him home on strong pain killers (for his age) though i will keep you all updated with what happens with it any how


So i am 6w1d today, i have an edd of 13/1/12 though the doctors are not real going ot go on that thy re going o wait a week or two then do another scan and use for dates,
two days ago bub had a heat beat of 109, so happy about that,

This sounds stupid though i know i am only 6 weeks though i am showing already

I havent realy blogged in a while been really busy with work, plus i have had the flu or thekids have so i dont really get on much,

havng a look through myblog stats, and some people have gone trigger happy on searching for my blog, i guess i must have something worth reading then LOL
I done a digi test and some normal ones i love te Digi tests

That was the Digi think i was around 6 or 7DPO

then here wasth IC and th FRER

and all my stats

10DPO - beta 46
13DPO - beta 100
16DPO - beta 229
17DPO - beta 443
19DPO - U/S sac measuring 4w5d
21DPO - beta 1880
5w6d - icon_heartbeat.gif 109

wel any way that is it for the time being will post more later

Friday, May 20, 2011

So much stuff

well where do i begin....

well i am now working, though i have hadto have alot of time off due to being sick (flu andpersonal reasons)
the boys aregettngso much biger now :0 deacan is up and walking around

having a problem with my soon to be brother in law, he decided to gp all skitz on my facebook page over something that had nothing to do with him or my sister in law, thouh he had to look like the big hero though in the end he looked like a total tosser,

well having a Bq here at my place on the 2nd July, can not wait its oin o be a lot of fun... it wil be even more fun fr everyone who cmes, though wil fil everyone in about that later on,

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

back at it again

So looks like the snooping is back at it again, like seriously what is it with my blog, i haven't posted in so long and that's why i am sick of people posting my blog everywhere just to bitch or what ever like  first of it was AHM now it id from other blogs



Oh and don't forget AHM....

this shit is really starting to become annoying....

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Seriously can you just fuck off already!!!!


Saturday, March 19, 2011

We need you

OK so a friend and i have started a new Forum for all mum's and dad's  we have 14 members at the moment though we need more,

Mum And Dad Hang Out

Please come over and have a look, you can't see to much unless you register for it, as we have tried to keep some privacy,

though everyone is welcome :) we wont turn anyone away :)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Head or Heart

Isnt it funny how one can rule over another?
Or how both want you to listen though you dont know what one is right,

What to do??
Do i follow my head in something that is telling me its so wrong, and i shouldnt

or do i follow my heart that is telling me to go for it,

My heart miss's a beat and sends a feeling of tingeing/shock through my system, with some excitement to add with it

Though leaves you sitting there thinking and just wondering

Monday, March 14, 2011

It's All Gone

Well my hair is all gone now,
It was all shaved off on the 12th for worlds Greatest Shave 2011

The Front

The Back

It All Gone

All My Hair

I really didn't think that i was going to go through with it, though it was for a very good cause, i was able to raise just over $300 for this cause i am so happy with myself

Thursday, March 10, 2011



Don't you just love it how people have to be sneaky I m finding it quite amusing LOL LOL LOL LOL 

Enough said 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Boys Party

Well its the boys party this weekend, its only 4 days away,
I dont even know who is coming anymore, considering everyone keeps putting out,
It really annoys me that people are now pulling out of it,
Everyone one has known about the party for over 3 months they have all said they are coming now things have happens and they have to pull out, because something has happened or they have to work ra ra ra its always something, Daniel and I make an effort to attend everything that we are invited to even with the kids though looks like people cant make an effort with us.... oh well at least i know where myself and my family stand..... from now on I'm not going to make an effort to attend anyone's crap now

Saturday, March 5, 2011


I got this reply off  a board in fertility Friend i was readying replies and come across this one that made me really upset

I don't know any stories personally (my LO's were preemies but not micro preemies), but my DH is a bioethicist at the #2 hospital in the country, and he occasionally makes NICU rounds to do consults with families, etc at another local hospital. He's seen 23 weekers make it just fine. Just the other day, he personally saw a couple of 23 weekers, they were tiny but doing fairly well. Viability is generally 24 weeks, but it seems many more are making it earlier on nowadays.

I know this sounds wrong and all though if there are more and more 23 weekers being born and surviving then WHY didnt my doctor help Bryce so he would of been able to be here now??? I am so angry and hurt and upset
The doctors didnt even give my little boy a chance though i am no hearing stories of more and more 23 weekers  being born and surviving it just doesnt seem fair at alll

Friday, March 4, 2011


SO its not bad enough that the ladies from AHM are still looking at my blog though they are now adding me on facebook like WHAT THE!!!!!!,
like honestly what is the big fascination with my life? its not bad enough they are coming through their link i am guessing they are searching for my blog to because all of a sudden i have the huge rush of google searches for my blog

I am so totally over all the DRAMA with them, life goes on..... though yet they are still coming here... what are they after more information to call me a bogan??? is that why you are all adding me on facebook for to see if there are any  "bogan" photos of me???

oh well guess they haven't finished with what ever they wanted/need to get off me......

have fun ladies though i really dont know what you are gong to find

What are you going to do next? tell me that it was my fault  my son died??? tell me i didnt do every thing that i should of??? tell me i am such a bad mother???

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

New Forum

SO i have started a new Forum called Mum And Dad Hang Out

It has a heap of different boards in it,
from a general board (quests can only see this you need to register to be able to see the lot)
there is a parent hood board, home board, R18+ board  Fun board etc

i thought it would be great to have one where anyone can come and talk with out being judged and so the whole world doesnt have to see it

Off Private

Well i have taken this off private as i really don't care any more,

This blog is me, and i dont hide nothing from no one, so yeah

I am still going to post what i want and how i want, nothing is going to change, if i get angry and need to get it out i am going to post it here, how ever i want to, i dont care if my spelling in it is bad or my grammar is either

Monday, February 28, 2011


AHHH these dreams are really starting to get to me i am having them every night and some nights i have them more than once,
Part of me doesnt mind having these dreams as i quite like them
though the part of me feels guilty as i am married and they are not of my husband

these dreams feel so real to, i wake up from them and i can swear that it has happened and i can remember every single part of it, my heart is racing when i wake up....

Saturday, February 26, 2011


Hey everyone,

I was just wondering if you read this can i please get you to follow it as there is only 100 spots for people to be able to see this blog, as i have to add their email address in for them to have permission to see it (if all that makes sense lol)

So I don't want to be rude sorry though if you don't really read it let me know and i will remove you, just so people who do want to read it can

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Weight Gain

YAY i am so happy i jumped on the scales this morning and i am up to 47kgs YAY YAY YAY
sorry just really happy about that, i will get a more accurate reading of my weight tomorrow when i go to the doctor,
though the home scales say 47, so i only have 8kgs left to go until i am at my ideal weight,

Deacan's Surgery

Well Deacan goes in for his surgery on the 24th May so 2 months away, I'm really nervous about it for him, its only cosmetic surgery though still surgery is surgery  and it all has its risks

SO i had a look on line and this is the information that i could find on it

this is what i found

Hypospadias repair is surgery to correct a birth defect in boys in which the urethra (the tube that carries urine from the bladder to outside the body) does not end at the tip of the penis. Instead, it ends on the underside. In more severe cases, the urethra opens at the middle or bottom of the penis, or even in or behind the scrotum.
See also: Hypospadias


Hypospadias repair is usually done when boys are between 6 months and 2 years old. It is done on an outpatient basis. It rarely requires an overnight stay in the hospital.
Boys who are born with hypospadias are not circumcised at birth, so their foreskin can be used for the repair during surgery.
Before surgery, your child will receive general anesthesia. This will make him sleep and unable to feel pain during surgery. Mild defects may be repaired in one procedure. Severe defects may need two or more procedures.
The surgeon will use a small piece of foreskin or tissue from another site to create a tube that increases the length of your son's urethra. Extending the length of the urethra will allow it to open at the tip of the penis.
During surgery, the surgeon may place a catheter (tube) in the urethra to make it hold its new shape. The catheter may be sewn or fastened to the head of penis to keep it in place. It will be removed 1 - 2 weeks after surgery.
Most of the stitches (sutures) used during surgery will dissolve on their own and will not have to be removed later.

Why the Procedure is Performed

Hypospadias is one of the most common birth defects in boys. This surgery is performed on most boys who are born with hypospadias.
If repair is not done, your son may have:
  • Problems controlling and directing his urine stream
  • A curve in the penis during erection
  • Problems with fertility
Surgery is NOT needed if the condition does not affect normal urination while standing, sexual function, or the deposit of semen.


Risks for any anesthesia are:
  • Allergic reactions to medicines
  • Breathing problems
Risks for any surgery are:
  • Bleeding
  • Blood clot
  • Infection
Other risks for hypospadias:
  • A hole that leaks urine (fistula)
  • Large blood clot (hematoma)
  • Scarring or narrowing of the repaired urethra

Before the Procedure

Your child's surgeon may ask for a complete medical history and physical exam of your child before the procedure.
Always tell your child's doctor or nurse:
  • What drugs your child is taking
  • Include drugs, herbs, and vitamins you bought without a prescription.
  • Tell them about any allergies your child has to medicine, latex, tape, or skin cleaner.
Ask your child's doctor which drugs your child should still take on the day of surgery.
On the day of the surgery:
  • Your child will usually be asked not to drink or eat anything after midnight the night before surgery.
  • Give your child any drugs your doctor told you to give your child with a small sip of water.
  • Your child's doctor or nurse will tell you when to arrive for the surgery.
  • The doctor will make sure your child is healthy enough for surgery. This means your son should not have any signs of illness. If your son is ill, the surgery may be delayed.

After the Procedure

Right after surgery, your son's penis will be taped securely to his belly so that it does not move.
Often, a bulky dressing or plastic cup is placed over the penis to protect the surgical area. A urinary catheter (a tube used to drain urine from the bladder) will exit the dressing to allow urine to flow freely into the diaper.
Your child will be encouraged to drink fluids so that he will urinate. Urinating will keep pressure from building up in the urethra.
Your son may be given medicine to relieve pain.
You will probably be able to take your child home the same day as the surgery. If you live a long way from the hospital, you might want to stay in a hotel near the hospital the first night.

Outlook (Prognosis)

This surgery lasts a lifetime. Most children do well after this surgery. Your son's penis will look almost or completely normal. It will also work almost or completely normally.
If your child has a complicated hypospadias, he may need more operations to improve the penis' appearance or to repair a hole or narrowing in the urethra.
Follow-up visits with a urologist (a doctor who specializes in the treatment and surgery of the urinary system) may be needed once your son has healed from surgery. Sometimes a visit is needed when boys reach puberty

though Deacan's isn't this bad,  he was basically born with half a circumcision so he just needs to have that corrected, thats all i think they put on google the worse case scenarios 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


All i can say is WOW my sex drive has gone through the roof and i have no idea and i mean no idea why, its normally Daniel who is getting cranky at me because I dont want it or dont have the energy for it, though over the past couple of days it really feels like thats all i want, like Daniel and I Dtd the other night and wow like best night ever (well since the wedding night any how)

I really dont know why it has gone through the roof for, im not doing anything different than what i was a a week or 2 ago, like part of me wants Daniel to take the day off work so we can spend all day in the bedroom lol,

but any how thats all for now will chat more later

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Random Post

I was going through all my old writing that i have done and i come across this

Life As A Single Mum
Part 1

Well where do i start? I really thought that things between my husband and i were going alright,
though I guess I was wrong.Like sure Daniel and I had our fair share of problems though what married couple doesnt?
I know that daniel and I had been arguing for a while due to some problems
I know it didnt help that the house was always a mess, I know I should of kept it cleaner that what i did
part of the reason why I didnt is because i am lazy. and thing "whats the point keeping it clean when we hardly get visitors?"
though also I cant do to much at one time as my body really hurt, I have a bad back *to many car accidents*.
Also I have fractured my hip 3 times in the same spot over 3 years and have a problem with my knees that i have had since i
was a child some days my body hurst that bad i can only just lift Jason.
Though there are days when i do get into the house work and start cleaning up, though thats when Jason will start,
either he is really wingy and just wants the attention or he is jsut in one of those moods, then by the time i fix Jason
up i forget what i am doing, like dont get me wrong i'm [b]NOT[/b] blaming Jason at all for any of this though
just sometimes its because of him i dont get stuff done
Then there is also money problems though we never used to have them when i wored as well,
though i dont work no so we was just on the one income plus the little amount that i got off centerlink,
so we have been trying to work those out though have had no luck, So daniel stresses about that as he works a 40+
hour week he also does some overtime here and there as well, it also doesnt help that i am pregnent again,
though thats one story i dont really want to get into right now

Daniel and i have been through so much together in 2 years its not funny
We lost our first child Bryce on 23/04/08 ge was born at 23 weeks & 4 days gestation due to a placentral abrubtion
and an incompatant cervix, though at the time i didnt know that i had that problem, though by the time i made it to the
hospital it was to late they were unable to stop the labour or save Bryce.Still to this day i blame myself for it,
i know that it wasbt my fault though it was my body that couldnt hold him in, and i often wonder what would of happend
if i got to the hospital quicker would they have been able to save him? so i dont know if this guilt that i am carrying
around has contributed to all of this or not
Daniel quiet often tells me that its not my fault though can see the hurt and the pain in his eyes everytime i look
at him, also Bryce looked jsut like Daniel so everytime i look at Daneil i can see him
Daneil was so strong during the birth of Bryce also after planning his furneral and during it, he stayed strong
and held it together for me, as i was an utter mess and could stop crying or wondering why, so because of daniel doing
that he hasnt had his chance to let it out and greive, still to this day 18 months later the memories and thoughts of it
all cut deep, i have this hole in my heart that wont close so if its hurting me this much i cant imagin how daniel is feeling.
4 months after loosing bryce i feel pregnent with Jason right from the star i started having problems carrying him.
I had heavey bleedind, sever cramps and i was told at 8 weeks that i was going to misscarry due to sac seperation,
so i placed myself on stricked bed rest and 4 weeks later the sac had reconnected, at 13 weeks gestation things started
looking up as everything had stopped all until i had an ultrasound at 21 weeks to check my cervix i then found out that
i had started to go into labour..
The doctors addmitted me into hospital straight away to have an emergency stitch placed into my cervix, though at 25 weeks
and 4 days gestation Jason decided that he wasnted out, the day i went into labour i was at work, i kept getting these
niggling pains that came and gone so i wasnt sure if it was Braxton Hicks or the real deal so i gave it about 30 mins to
an hour and the got worse, so i had work call me an ambulance, my boss came with me to the hospital ad stayed with me
until Daniel got there, they tried everything to stop the labour they slowed it donw thouh didnt stop it,
7.30am the next morning they started back up again they took my stitch out at 10.30am abd u diolated 4cm straight away,
11.30pm that night Jason Beau was born,
he spent 88 days in total in the NICU and Special Care, and now he is almost 8 months old
5 months after jason was born i find out that Prengnant again with baby number 3, so i guess with everything that has
happend i can understand why Daniel isnt happy about it though as i said to Daniel this baby never asked to be made or
brought into this world, so what right do i have to take it away? and i also know that if this baby doesnt want to be
here it will either leave my body or this world when it wants.

Life has it's up's & down's my past has been full of them I have had 2 abusive partners and then the love of my life,
Life i know can be hard though it can also be great and i always live by the moto "What doesn't kill you only makes you
stronger" I remember my dad always telling me that, when ever something bad had happend.
My father would have to be my role modle, as he has pretty much been through what i am going through now,
and we both pretty much have the same views in life
See dad and i are quiet similar as we have both been left with young children to look after Dad was roughly 22 or 23
years old when him and mum first split up and he was left with a 1 1/2 year old and a 6 month old with no real help but
his mum to help raise us, And with me i am 23 years old with an 8 month old to look after and i am also 13 weeks pregnant
with no real help but from Danielle who is my mother in law.
Daniel is great like year we have our up's and down's with each other though push come to shove she is always there
for me, I owe danielle my life, because if it wasnt for her i more thant likely wouldnt be here now, as i nearly lost my
life when i delivered my first son Bryce, as i lost just under 4L of blood in 2 hours and if it wasn't for danielle
rushing me to the hospital when she did Daniel would of lost a son and a wife that day and not jsut a son

I also understand why my dad used to gt worried about me so much as i admit that i wasnt the best or easyist child to look
after as i was either in trouble or always hurting myself.
I guess i am possibly the reason my father has so many grey hairs as i am the cause of most of them the first time that
i can rememeber scaring him half to death was when i was in year 1, im sure i was 5 years old and we was living in
Devonport Tasmainia dad was in the kitchen cooking tea for Natalie and I and we were both outside playing on the
trampoline i can remember at that age all i wanted to be was an Iceskater, Im not sure if the winter olympics was on or
was just on. Though i remember taking my shoes off leaving my socks on and sliding around the metal edge i fell and
landed on the drain and broke my arm dad rushed me straight to the hospital, and didnt leave my side he stayed at the
hospital with me over night i remember the hospital would let him sleep in the hospital bed beside me jsut incase
another child needed it so they brouhg out this fold out stretcher bed and he placed in beside my bed right next to me
and thats where he slept for the night though he would always pop his head up to check on me
Dad used to always tell me as a teenager that a parent is never ment to bury their children and its ment to be the other way
around, And now after loosing Bryce i know what he ment and i truely understand

One thing that is really getting to me at the moment is that people tell me that i am lucky that i am prem babies and that i
dont go to term though i disagree how can it be lucky to have a child so early that i have to bury it? i think thats really
lucky for me, like i might be over reacting though that was the worse day of my life, having a child and for him not
to be able to live his life or see the open world, to be told by the doctors that while you are in labour that your
child does not stand a chance, yeah thats really lucky hey???? Then to have a second child early and watch him fight for his
life and watching him fighting for every breath that he takes? how is that lucky? like yeah i am LUCKY that he did survive
and that he is here with me now and i wouldnt give him up for the world though how is all this lucky? i would do anything
to be able to go to term, and then the people that tell me i am lucky turn around and bitch that their baby is giving them
hell and that they want their baby to be born any where from 30 weeks onwards and that every thing will be fine
though you know what, while Jason was in the NICU there was a 29 and a 30 weeker brought in that was not sick or anyhting
the only reason why they were in there was because they were early and both of them didnt make it, so it really doesnt matter
how early you baby is born to if they survive or not if they are born at 25 weeks or 35 weeks if figure it all depends
on their willingness to fight for their life, and as sad as it is some times the fight jstu gets to hard for them
and it breaks my heart to see little babies there fighting for their lives, and also for the mums and dads as its not something
thats easy to go through
though yeah i am lucky arent i? sorry it jsut makes me so angry, like yeah i am proberly over reacting and al or took what
are saying the wrong way though they dont clarify what they are saying,

If i went back 3 or 4 years ago i would of never thought my life would be like it is now, though you know what i would change
what i have got now for the world yeah my life might not be the best i might not have the most flashy things a person
could own though what i have is mine, i have a little boy watching over me, i have a gorges little boy that fought
so hard to be here, i married the love of my life, even though we are seperated now i still wouldnt of changed a thing,
if i could go back in time i would of still married him and give me the chance i would do it all over again
I addmit i have not really had the best past in the world, though what i ahve been through makes me the person i am now
i have had my fair share of up and downs and things you wouldnt even tell your grand mother about, though they were
all my own choices, i had a bad stint of booze, drugs and one night stands after one night stands,
i remember that i would get that high on either valium or E's then get myself tanked full of booze, some nights
i would wake up and not no where i was, im not saying there is any excuses for what i have done or that what i have
done is right, though it took a massive wake up call to get me out of the life i was living, im guessing that if i
kept going the way i was i wouldnt of had Bryce,Jason nor little pumpkin i am pregnent with now, i wouldnt of married the love
of my life either, though im not also one of those people who say i have been there and done that, though i have done a bit in
my past, i always try and give advise,help and support when ever i can and to who ever wants it, some time people might not
like what i have to say though i am not going to give them the wrong advice or lie to them, i am straight to the point
and honest about it all i have nothing to hide, and if i can help some other person whether they are a child, teenager or
a grown adult i am going to try

I now realise jsut how hard it is to be a single mum, i really thought that i would be alright with it as i really throught
i was already acting like a single mum when i was with daniel, though the truth is being a single mum is a 24/7 job
at least with a job you work from 9 to 5 then get to go home and do what ever, though with kids its never ending not even
they are in bed, you still hav to keep an ear out for them to make sure they are ok, also when they wake up in the middle of
the night you need to get up,
my hat goes off to ALL single mums out there as i now know its not as easy as it looks

Its been 19 1/2 months now since my son was taken away from me, still not a day goes by that i dont think about him
or think about how life could of been, or what he would look like, i still get teary eyed now and again about him
though i do know that he is watching over me and i know that he would want me to be happy,

So i am now 27 weeks and 4 day pregnent with Deacan and i have now been stuck in hospital now for 6 weeks cos little deacan
decided that he wanted to be born at 22 weeks gestation, the doctors stop the labour of course though they have been telling
me that its going to be any day now though 6 weeks later he is still here, i went into labour last saturday i was contracting
really badly they let me labour for 2 hours, though i had not started to diolate at that stage, though mind you i still had
1cm of cervix that had to shorten first before i would of started to diolate, so then they decided to stop it,it took 3 hours
after that for the contractions to slow down and stop so it worked
so now little deacan in fully head down and engaged, and it hurts, as his head is that far down into my hips and pelvis
it isnt funny though i am greatful that he is still inside baking away and getting stronger each day
though i am just over the pain, and i hate taking so many pain killers, as i could only imagin how much of it deacan is
getting through him,

Just wanted to share this thats all dont know how long ago i wrote this though

What a week

Well all i can say is what a week, it feels like it has been non stop,

First off on Sunday i had my confirmation so i was happy about that, now i am a member of the church and i also received the gift of the spirit as well, I have joined the church chore (not sure spelling is right) so i need to see my doctor about giving me some women injections to make sure my voice goes back up as the steroid injections have made it drop and crack lol

My weight is now 47kgs i am very happy about that, i am going to be either signing up to a gym so i can start getting fit or i will be going for runs, no not to loose weight though just to get fit so i can do everyday things with out getting puffed,  also because all the weight i have put on has gone straight to my stomach not that i mind though my tummy looks like i am 4 months pregnant lol,

Kids are going well Jason is talking so much more now also is getting into trouble a lot more as well, Deacan is just about walking wont be long now for him either, he is starting to walk around furniture, and is standing all the time, though we still haven't gotten him into a sleep routine yet, he just doesn't want to stay asleep so its making it hard on everyone,

On another note Daniel has Quit smoking as well i am so very proud of him, today will be his second day with out one, though today i have been 3 weeks without a smoke or coffee, really starting to miss the coffee now though, 

any way better goes it just about 7am and daniel still isnt out of bed he is going to be late for work, and he will prolly get angry at me for not waking him up though i told him if he didnt get up then it wasnt my fault that he was late for work,.

Any way i will talk again soon

Sarah xx

Thursday, February 17, 2011


over the past couple of night i have been having really Vivid/weird dreams, they have been of old partners and old Crushes they are really strange,

When i have these dreams i am left wondering all day as they then stick in my head like a memory like they really happened,
Like this one dream i had, i would meet up with my partner in my dream (old crush) and i would be at a school for a gifted person, i would be living there, i would study music (flute) do Dancing, and i was an earth bender LOL like i just had to dream that weird one up lol,

I would only see my partner on the weekend he would drive up/i would fly out to see him though in my dream he and his family come to the school to surprise me and in my dream when i saw him i ran to him and jumped in the air and he held me etc like you would see in movies

This dream felt really real i can still remember it now. i really wish i knew what these dreams ment, cos after having them i find it really hard to go back to sleep again

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Well on a good side my Weight has gone up YAY
i am now 45kg,

Im really happy about that only 10 more Kgs to go until i am at my ideal weight

I think i am going to stop with the steroid shots as the side effects are really starting to bother more,

On another note i am stumped to who reads this blog, as i have had HEAPS of page view though no one comments,
If you do read this can you please leave a comment to this, i dont care if you leave your name or stay anonymous as it doesn't "bother" me who reads it, i would like like to know numbers of who really  reads it and doesn't just skim over it


I was having a look through all the "Stats" for this blog and i am just shocked......

here is a list of the referring sites some of these i have no idea what they are.... i go to look at the topic/ site and i have to register

Referring URLs










Referring Sites

Search Keywords
heartness1 bryce 

baby with rsv induced to coma to to prevent cardiac arrest


Sunday, February 13, 2011


Well i had my Baptism today, It really wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be, and the feeling that i have now was well worth going with out and staying off the smokes and coffee etc,

I had a few photos taken here they are

I was really nervous before having it done, though afterward i felt so much better i felt lighter and warmer i know that must sound really strange though for me it isnt, i also feel a lot safer now as well