Sunday, July 18, 2010

being Selfish?

I often wonder if i am being selfish or pig headed or unreasonable, 
I think sometimes that people dont understand me or how i feel, or what i want out of life, and this is where it comes in i think i am being selfish

I want to know that my life has some purpose to it, and that i am ment to be here for a reason, like to get me worng i am happy with my life though i guess i want more with it, I would love for it to have more meaning that what it does i guess,
I know i have meaning and purpose to my 3 little gorges boys, and to my husband that i think loves me, though not 100% sure on that one as i dont get told it that often,

And i guess i am also being selfish as i hate being told how many kids i can have, I would love to have a lot more children, I am VERY happy with my 3 boys, though i would like to have more, and Daniel has said NO out right to any more children, is it selfish to want more than what we know we can have?
I know there is a good chance that every pregnancy can either take my life or the babies lives, and i know that it is being selfish as i know this can happen yet i want more,
I guess for me being told NO to children is like putting a beer infront of an alcoholic and telling/demanding they can not drink it,  i guess it just hurts more than anything
I know i would really love a happy ending as well, maybe i already have mine though i am to blind or pig headed to see it, i want more out of life than what i have, i want to do more with my life, i want my life to have meaning.. I have always been told that everyone is here for a reason if that is true than what is my reason? What was Bryce's reason? what is Jason's reason? What is Deacan's Reason? or Daniels reason? do we all have one?
I guess i just have been doing way way way to much thinking, though yeah just being honest with everything,
As i said this could be classed as being selfish or pig headed or what not, though yeah

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