6W1D

So i am 6w1d today, i have an edd of 13/1/12 though the doctors are not real going ot go on that thy re going o wait a week or two then do another scan and use for dates,
two days ago bub had a heat beat of 109, so happy about that,

This sounds stupid though i know i am only 6 weeks though i am showing already

I havent realy blogged in a while been really busy with work, plus i have had the flu or thekids have so i dont really get on much,

havng a look through myblog stats, and some people have gone trigger happy on searching for my blog, i guess i must have something worth reading then LOL
I done a digi test and some normal ones i love te Digi tests

That was the Digi think i was around 6 or 7DPO

then here wasth IC and th FRER

and all my stats

10DPO - beta 46
13DPO - beta 100
16DPO - beta 229
17DPO - beta 443
19DPO - U/S sac measuring 4w5d
21DPO - beta 1880
5w6d - 109


wel any way that is it for the time being will post more later

Head or Heart

Isnt it funny how one can rule over another?
Or how both want you to listen though you dont know what one is right,

What to do??
Do i follow my head in something that is telling me its so wrong, and i shouldnt

or do i follow my heart that is telling me to go for it,


My heart miss's a beat and sends a feeling of tingeing/shock through my system, with some excitement to add with it


Though leaves you sitting there thinking and just wondering

Dreams

AHHH these dreams are really starting to get to me i am having them every night and some nights i have them more than once,
Part of me doesnt mind having these dreams as i quite like them
though the part of me feels guilty as i am married and they are not of my husband

these dreams feel so real to, i wake up from them and i can swear that it has happened and i can remember every single part of it, my heart is racing when i wake up....

"Through The Eyes Of A Broken Heart"

Hey guys i have decided to do some writing i am unsure yet if i should turn it into a book or not, I want to be able to let other angle mums know that they are not alone,  I want to be able to add quotes from angel pages and true quotes that will help the suffering, i haven't been writing it for long though this is what i have to start off with, let me know what you think (honestly)

When my husband and I got married little did we know that our wedding night would change our lives from that day on?

It was your typical night that one newly married couple would have romantic,  what more could you want, a lovely hotel room with your newly beloved, room service, and a view to die, need I say more,

5 weeks later I was feeling a bit off, I knew I was sick, I had the day off work, so I decided to do food shopping, I had all the signs of being pregnant though didn’t have the morning sickness at that stage, I couldn’t handle the smell of some foods, I had some back pain off and on, my breasts hurt and I was really moody, and I wasn’t 100% if my period was late or not, though I was doing the shopping and I came to the isle that  the home pregnancy tests were in and they were really on special so I decided to get one and just test as I didn’t think for one minute that I was pregnant, so after I finished the shopping I got home put it all away and though I might do that test, straight away the two lines came up I remember sitting on the toilet shocked and stunned little did I know that, that little pee stick was going to change my life forever, I let my husband know that I was pregnant as he was at work, I didn’t want to email him as I didn’t know if he was at his desk or not, I didn’t want to call him as I knew he wouldn’t answer so I took a photo of the test with my mobile and sms it to him, the only response I had for at least 5 sms back was “WTF .......” 

About 5 or so weeks later I started to bleed I thought the worse, as I had had quite a few miscarriages in the past and I swore it was happening all over again, so off to the hospital I race, just to find out it was normal to bleed in the early stages so they gave me my RH- injection and sent me on my way,

I just thought to start with that a bit of back ground might be good first before getting to the parts that will make you cry,  I dont no if i am being foolish or not wanting to help people and trying to let them know that they are not alone and that there is light at the end of the tunnel, i guess if anything this will help me in the long run

To much

Things are starting to become a bit to much everything is so stressful at the moment,
so i am still looking for work over all the jobs i have applied for i have only had 1 interview though no call back after that, it makes it hard because i can work everyday but Tuesdays, i am still waiting for a position to become available at the boys daycare to place them in there for then, at the moment it costs me $198 thats for 3 days a week, if they go in for the other 2 days as well it goes up to just under $460, i know thats a lot of money though we cant afford for me to be at home not working, I have sent an Email to the director of the daycare to see if they have any Tuesdays free yet, if they do i might just bight the bullet and put them in, as there are so many jobs out there that i am qualified for though i cant do because they are only Monday to Friday... though Daniel doesn't seem to understand about me putting them in 5 days a week as i don't have a job yet, though whats the point applying for the Monday to Friday jobs if i loose the Tuesday spots,

On top of all that Jason's heart appointment is coming up next week and i am really scared about it, i'm petrified that he will have to have heart surgery i have had a lot of people tell me that its straight forward, or they have known people that have had to have it and all worked out fine, though there is so many complications that can go wrong with it, we are so LUCKY to even have Jason here with us as they only gave us a 40% chance of being able to ring him home, i would break if something happened to him, he has fought though so much and come so far, and yes i know he is a fighter though no one knows if one of the complications will or will not happen,

It just feels like everything is piling on top of me, i feel like i need a break or a get away just so i can have some me time, a stress free time, and before any ones says yes i do get some sort of a break with them being in daycare, though they are only in 3 days a week and i don't leave them in there for long they go in  between 7 and 8 and i pick them back up by 3pm, then when they are there i am busy here at home doing all the house work and trying to get the place clean, looking for work, doing food shopping or any other appointments i have, i dont get a chance any more to catch up on sleep any more so i am basically running on 4 hours sleep a day if that,

In the mean time trying to keep up with the house hold chores making sure Daniel has a good meal every night to eat trying to get Jason walking properly and catching up to other kids his age as he is still behind quite a lot,

I wouldn't recommend to anyone having 2 kids so close together as it REALLY takes it out of you,

In the meantime dad's ex girlfriend the stupid mole stole from me, her and dad was ment to buy off me a brand new tv cabinet, book case, tv and a few other items, also i was storing my futon there untill i could get someone to help me move it, plus with jasons bits and pieces plus they borrowed a few of my dvds well things between them when sour and she "apparently" got rid of the items, like fucking hell they were not her items to get rid of, the futon was basiclly brand new,  all she gave back was jasons porta cot, his high chair and the tv minus the remote, stupid mole, like things might work like that in her world where she can just get rid of things or steel them and not get in shi for it though in the real world and the white world things dont happen like that

Heart Surgery

Jason has his Heart appointment on the 20th i am so scared for the little guy, if his hole in his heart hasnt closed up he has to go for heart surgery, they will check his groind while he is there to see if they can go that way, though if they cant they will be doing open heart surgery,
I asked a firend about it as he had to have it and he said the only thing if Jasons favor is that he is young, though there is so many risks for it,
He can have a heart attack an anurisem (sp), a stroke, an arrest (as they have to stop his hear to work on it)
Im so scared i no he is a tough little man, though he has already had to fight to be here i dont know what i would do if we lost him.... and the worse thing is he has to have the surgery if it hasnt closed, its not something that we can just leave and hope if you know what i mean,

some people

I really swear some people jsut do not think i really do... or they do though dont understand how much their comments are just plain nasty i recived this comment i think either today or yesterday

Well the dr did say not to get pregnant agIn... Because he new you would have Nother premmie baby... But you were selfish & took that risk anyways to have another baby. So now you haveto deal with the consequences of them being sick with their low immune systems


this was in responce to me posting this

WTF is it with people really? im over it i truely am
Yes my son is back on hosptial
Yes he is sick again...
Why do people keep blaming me for them getting sick for?
DO you really think i like my children being i hospital?
DO you really think i like it that they are sick and unhappy?
I cant help it if they keep getting sick, i do the best i can for htem,
I give them gold formula so they get extra vitimans and minerals, they are also fulling immunised, and i also give them pentivite **extra vitimans** becuase i have them in day careWe are in winter here so its been really cold and yuck, so i keep them rugged up, the heater is always on keeping them warm and with deacan he always has a blanket on him,So beofre ANY of you want to start running your mouth how about you shut it first,
Both of my sons are prem babies, so thier immune system is lower than the average baby,
Seriously is any of uyou can do better please let me know
As i am sure you all have mother and father of the year awards


This really annoys me it really does... how was i being selfish really??? daniel and i were taking precautions i was on contraceptive like bloody hell

i didnt have the heart to have an abortion i really didnt i thought about it though didnt have one.... after burying a child its not easy to "kill" another one like some people really need to think before they talk

and to top it off the person who posted that comment has been evicted TWICE in 6 months, ALSO has the money to go out and get her hair dyed all pretty, her nails done also has money to buy a lot of fancy camera stuff though she is "selfish" enough to spend her money on her and not the rent LMFAO practice what you preach love