perigestational haematoma

I got my scan results from the doctor today peanut is doing really well though i have a perigestational haematoma though i cant seem to find any info out on it only what other people have asked....

though i am having some prety bad pains, im getting a very shap intence ripping type pain :(  spotting is on and off a lot of brown spotting mixed with CM and somtimes red, going to cal EPAU tomorrow and see what she says about it

6w4d

well i have another Ultrasound on Thursday i will be 6w6d 
not really sure what i will see, tough i hope peanuts heartbeat is a lot higher :) and that my hematoma has gone down, been getting some bleeding and spotting for the past couple of weeks and some cramping as well, tough most o the pain is going with some painkillers i hate having to take them though thats what the hospital has told me to do

though on the up side of the ultrasound at least i will find out if there is one or two heartbeats,  as she thought she could see 2 sacs side y side though wasnt 100% sure, so i guess thursday will let me know for sure,

Doctors Appointmen

Wll i need to make a doctors appointment n\this weeks, so i can get another referral for another ultrasound, EPAU (Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit) wants me to go for another to make sure everything is going ok, and that the hematoma is startin to go away,
Oh the plus side the bleeding has stopped, though i know it can come back at any time, So i am just taking it easy and resting as much as i can so i don't aggravate things, though it really sucks as EPAU said i am not allowed to pick the boys up or do much house wok, so pretty much all i can do is go to work and putmy feet up when ever i can, i guessi justhav to get used to not doing much and taking breaks as much as i need thm,

Though when i have my ultrasound i will be7 - 8 weeks so i am hoping i can see a lot more and and bubs heart beat is up higher tan 109, any way thats it for now will post more later

Upsetting

I got this reply off  a board in fertility Friend i was readying replies and come across this one that made me really upset

I don't know any stories personally (my LO's were preemies but not micro preemies), but my DH is a bioethicist at the #2 hospital in the country, and he occasionally makes NICU rounds to do consults with families, etc at another local hospital. He's seen 23 weekers make it just fine. Just the other day, he personally saw a couple of 23 weekers, they were tiny but doing fairly well. Viability is generally 24 weeks, but it seems many more are making it earlier on nowadays.

I know this sounds wrong and all though if there are more and more 23 weekers being born and surviving then WHY didnt my doctor help Bryce so he would of been able to be here now??? I am so angry and hurt and upset
The doctors didnt even give my little boy a chance though i am no hearing stories of more and more 23 weekers  being born and surviving it just doesnt seem fair at alll

Weight Gain

YAY i am so happy i jumped on the scales this morning and i am up to 47kgs YAY YAY YAY
sorry just really happy about that, i will get a more accurate reading of my weight tomorrow when i go to the doctor,
though the home scales say 47, so i only have 8kgs left to go until i am at my ideal weight,

What a week

Well all i can say is what a week, it feels like it has been non stop,


First off on Sunday i had my confirmation so i was happy about that, now i am a member of the church and i also received the gift of the spirit as well, I have joined the church chore (not sure spelling is right) so i need to see my doctor about giving me some women injections to make sure my voice goes back up as the steroid injections have made it drop and crack lol


My weight is now 47kgs i am very happy about that, i am going to be either signing up to a gym so i can start getting fit or i will be going for runs, no not to loose weight though just to get fit so i can do everyday things with out getting puffed,  also because all the weight i have put on has gone straight to my stomach not that i mind though my tummy looks like i am 4 months pregnant lol,




Kids are going well Jason is talking so much more now also is getting into trouble a lot more as well, Deacan is just about walking wont be long now for him either, he is starting to walk around furniture, and is standing all the time, though we still haven't gotten him into a sleep routine yet, he just doesn't want to stay asleep so its making it hard on everyone,


On another note Daniel has Quit smoking as well i am so very proud of him, today will be his second day with out one, though today i have been 3 weeks without a smoke or coffee, really starting to miss the coffee now though, 


any way better goes it just about 7am and daniel still isnt out of bed he is going to be late for work, and he will prolly get angry at me for not waking him up though i told him if he didnt get up then it wasnt my fault that he was late for work,.


Any way i will talk again soon


Sarah xx

Very Bad day

Things have just gone from bad to worse today, I really should not of gotten out of bed

To start of with i was pregnant it really was not planned as much as anyone says it really wasnt, we were using condoms or pulling out, and before anyone says anything about pulling out as a birth control method we really though it was, though guessing not though i had my beta lvl done on Wednesday I was 13 DPO and i got the results back today they were only 15, he said that it should of been higher as i was showing up on normally pregnancy test, I also told him that i was bleeding and that it was bright red and passing quite large clotts he said that i was miscarrying and that there was no point doing another Beta,
I really dont know how to feel to be honest i am upset over it though shocked at the same time, and i just feel empty, I was really starting to warm up to the idea of being a mum again, and i think Daniel was starting to warm up to the idea of being a dad again as well,

I think daniel told him mum today that I lost the baby, im pretty sure she would be happy over it, as she called me the other day when i told her that i was pregnant and ripped into me, she wasnt happy about it at all, she told/sternly asked me to have an abortion and i turned around and said NO straight out, then she asked how i would feel if i miscarried, I told her if i was under 12 weeks i would be upset though I would be as sad about it as i was when we lost Bryce, though i said that if i lost the baby after the 12 weeks i would be very sad, she then said Well i hope you Miss.... i cut her off straight away with it and started to yell at her, as i knew she was going to say "well i hope you miscarriage then"  I was so angry i seen red

I was only 4 weeks according to Fertility Friend i had not even been for an ultrasound so i m not even sure though with my Beta level being low like it was i really dont think the pregnancy would of went any longer even if i done everything thing i could to stop it, besides what i had done, i didnt smoke or drink coffee i was also eating right and sleeping right as well i was really going to do everything that i could to make sure i made it to the 40 weeks


though now i really dont know how to feel.... i wouldnt mind trying again once these boys are older and are less needy, though i am pretty sure that Daniel will be getting the snip now,

also on another note besides all that happening today, I dropped my brand new phone and smashed the front of it so now i cant use it.... and its less than a week old..... so now i have to get another one added to my plan or get my old phone unlocked so i can put this sim card into it,

And wait there is more
Both the boys came home with snotty noses today from daycare, so thats just great, going ot have to keep a really good eye on them as they are prown to getting bronchitis and RSV from it, so i can see if jason starts having problems breathing it will be back up to the hospital to get him checked out so if jason has something Deacan more than likely has it to......



its 6.15pm and Daniel still isnt home from work he sent me a txt at about 6ish saying he still had not left work and its about an 1 1/2  trip back so just YAY


anyway thats it for now ill chat more later

About to explode

I swear i am about to explode, the kids are really getting to me as of late, they are both being so defiant and naughty, Between the tantrums and screaming i honestly dont know how much more i can take before i flip out


This have really been getting to me my emotions are everywhere same as my hormones i am always tired though medically there is nothing wrong with me,
The doctor has put me on new anti depressants i have been taking them for about a week now so i hope these ones help,

My weight has finally gone up i am now 42.9kgs i am really happy about that as for the last 3 weeks when i had my weigh in i had lost weight all 3 times,

Daniel and I are still not seeing eye to eye and with that i have NO IDEA what to do, half of me thinks it would be better if he left and it was jsut the boys and I and the other half wants me to keep giving him chances

I just want to cry, i am really no handling this

My home buisness isnt doing to good i really thought that it would though i guess that was just money down the drain incase you dont know what i am talking about CLICK HERE


I really hope this all ends soon i really do

Weight

Well i guess i should go and jump onto the scales and see what they say, i dont have digital ones like the doctors, just the old fashion ones lol though i'm guessing it wont be as accurate as his, though i guess as long as it hasnt gone down thats a good thing,
I put on a T-Shirt yesterday and it was tight on me, i dont think i have put that much weight on lol, im guessing it has shrunk a bit in the wash

Weight Gain

I had a doctors appointment today, all went well i jumped on the scales and i am now 42.3kgs last week i was only 41.9kgs i have had a weight gain of 400g i know it isnt much though its better than nothing, so i got my second steroid injection and now i go back in 2 weeks for another and also another weigh in

Finally

I finally done it, I asked the doctor for help,
I went and sore the doctor yesterday and told him that i wasn't coping to well with everything that is going on, and that i needed help he said that he has wanted to put me on something for quite a while now, though i kept turning him down, as i wanted to do it myself, and  i was scared that if i went on something or told him i wasnt coping that he would take my kids off me, he said that i have lasted a very long time with out anything and that i am stronger than i think i am, due to everything that i have been through and i still managed to keep it together, The doctor said that he would gladly put me on the mediation to help and he said that he would never take my children off me, and he is proud that i finally asked for help,
I have been trying to deal with this on my own and now it has gotten me so low i couldn't see a way out, i feel a lot better for asking for help,
I was ment to be on anti depressants after loosing Bryce though i didnt want to take anything, and then after having jason i started to suffer from postnatal depression, and i was so ashamed so i didnt ask for help at all, as i didnt want anyone to know, though for the past couple of months things have really been getting on top of me and i feel like i have no control over anything , he said that the medication wont help straight away though it will be between 6 months to 1 year before i notice a well and truly improvement

Doctor

So i have seen the doctor and he is really worried about my weight as i have been battleing an eating disorder since i was 19  somethings set it off and somethings dont, though i went and seen him about a few other things and yeah he made me jump on the scales and sure enough my weight has dropped because of the stress and so much running around that i am doing,
So he has basicly given me a month to get it back up to either 50 to 55kgs, or ill be re admitted into hospital to gain it again this will be the 3rd time it will have happend so they will not be nice about it this time i will have to have a nose feeding tube and have to be hooked up to it of a night.... im trying my hardest to gain the weight though im just not seeming to, i know i dont eat alot during the day though how can i when i am not hungry i cant force the food down my throat

Doctors

Sometimes Docotrs make me so angry,

Do they not think before prescribing things to you?

My doctor is great dont get me wrong i have never had a problem with him up until now

I have been getting the depo shot once a month now for about 3 months, 

though i am still bleeding all the time so he told me to take these little white pills

2 pills 3 times a day for 3 days so thats ok that works

for a couple of days then i start to bleed again

so i told him i have had enough, so he then puts me on this newish pill

called "yaz"

so i dont know to much about this one so i do some research on it

and on the web site that i found it says that there

have been a study done in some other country cant remember the name now think it was Denmark

and there have been a 64% increase of cases with blood clotting

like what the hell...

I told daniel straight away that i was not going to take it any more

that we will deal with not getting pregnant the old fashion way

either wear a condom or jsut take our chances

the main reason why i decided to look into it was because i had been taking it for 2 days

though i had had bad migrain the first day then 2 bad migrains on the second day

and i dont often get migrains im sorry though i dont want to take the chance