Need to Vent... Need to Cry

So much is going on right no its unbelievable, We are in one of the biggest disasters that i know of here in Queensland, we are going through a massive flood, People overseas dont really know just how bad it is, though when you tell them that the amount of land that is under water is basically the same land mass of Germany and France put together they then start to get a rough idea, so many lives have been lost and there are still so many more people missing, I really do hope they end up being found alive and ok, though the more time goes by the more chances of that is becoming more grim, people have lost their homes and all their belongings people have lost their source of income and now have to worry about how they are going to feed their families and how they are going to live... so what i am about to vent/write about it really going to sound so very very selfish though i need to get it out, and here in my blog i know i can write what i need to and get out what i need to

I know there is a saying out there something along the lines of "be grateful for what you have as there are people out there worse of than you"

Any yeah i am very and i mean VERY grateful that we still have our home, i still have my family as none of them were lost or missing, we still have food in the cupboards it might not be much food though we still at least have some.... so after saying all of that what i am about to say/write is going to sound down right selfish and disrespectful to all though as i said i need to get it out and vent and get it off my chest and her ei know i can write whats on my mind and in my heart

i really dont know where to begin or how to start it so i am really sorry
though please bare with me as i just write everything down and get it all out

Thing have been really tough for Daniel the boys and I  mostly the one thing that really stresses us out is money
on Tuesday when the flooding began i lost my job, like yeah the pay wasnt to crash hot though at least it was some extra money coming in where we would be able to do a good food shop get bills paid etc , most of our problems started before Christmas as work said for me not to come in for the last week before Christmas and work was shutting down for 2 weeks over the break so that was 3 weeks that i wouldnt get paid for and we cant survive just off Daniels income, so you could guess it was  a very bleek Christmas, i had my family around so that was the main thing,
Daniel and I were only just able to put food on the table for the boys that was only after ebing able to borrow $200 per week for the 3 weeks off Daniels mum Jill and i am grateful for that

My weight if a very big problem now as most of you know i suffer from an eating disorder/s i have done since i was 18, Anorexia and bulimia  I thought i was over it all up until we lost our son Bryce when i was 21, my weight started to drop after that i guess you could say because my weight was the only thing that i was in control of, and at that time i needed to be in control of something as my whole world had come crashing down, though with all the stress that has been going on here my weight has dropped yet again, now to the point i can not put it on doesnt matter how hard i try nothing is seeming to work, the steroid that i am taking are keeping my weight stable though they are not helping me put it on, I guess to because i am not eating enough, I know i am not used to eating  3 meals a day plus snacks in between i try to eat as much as i can though now every time i eat now all i feel like doing is throwing up, i had the choice today to be admitted into hospital to help gut my weight up as i am now down to 42.1kgs, I know i dont eat that much here at home as i really dont know how long the food will last and i wont let Daniel or the boys go with out i would prefer to starve then to make them not eat

We are about to get out power disconnected as we havent paid our bill as it was due around Christmas time, and at that stage i had not been working so money was tight and food for my children was more important, i called them today to organize a payment plan and explained to them that i had just lost my job and that money was really tight, and that over the Christmas period i wasnt working and to be honest putting food on the table for my kids was more important i told them that we could really only afford to pay $20 off per week though he said that we have to pay $75 per fortnight, and asked if that was ok or would i like to pay more, i told him we couldnt even afford that though we are going to have to come up with the money some how, Also on top of that my mobile is about to go as well for the same reasons, Plus with rego coming up as well thing are just getting worse and worse, Im  finding it hard to get a job again, as with the floods etc its alot harder,
so i am scared that we are not going to be able to put food on the table for the kids and we are going to have no power etc,

As i said right at the start that i know there are people worse off than us though i really had to get this out, i am sorry if i sound selfish as mud i really am

Last Couple Of Days

WOW what a past couple of days we have had that's all i can say its been so full on I just hope next week is better I'll start from the start so you have some insight with what has happened
it all started Wednesday i was getting Jason ready for daycare, i wanted to get him there early as i knew i would get a call sometime during the day to pick him up just because of his asthma and coughing that he was having, so i got him to daycare then rushed home to get stuck into the house work as the house was a mess, cos Jason had been home since Friday afternoon, got home and got straight into the cleaning, it was about 8 or 8.30 by the time i got home, i was half way though when i got a phone call at 11.30 am from the daycare saying that Jason had a raging temperature and was coughing to the point he was vomiting and that his Ventolin had not worked when they gave it to him, so I just dropped everything go in the car and took off, also mind you it was pouring down with rain, there was water all over the road and was very hard to see, i called the doctor on the way to see if i could get him in ASAP to been seen to though of course when you really need a doctors appointment they don't have any,
I got to the daycare and Jason was laying on their beds having quite time he was in nothing but a nappy, i picked him up and he was boiling, i got all the info that i needed off the daycare staff his temp was 38 at 11.40 then at 11.50 it had gone to 38.1 and was still rising they had tried everything to get it down, poor Jason was pail as anything so i didn't hesitate to take him up to the hospital,
Got to the hospital and was at the triage desk they took one look at him and told me to bring him in straight away so we went in and to a bed, we seen a doctor straight away, they done a suction of his nose and sent that away for testing,  at this stage im guessing jason was feeling like crap he was crying continuously didn't know what he wanted he wanted up then down then a bottle then to get back up then down this went on for ages, plus with the doctors coming in and looking at his ears and throat and poking and prodding him he was just miserable ,
At this stage i went out side to have a quick smoke and to call Daniel to tell him what was going on, that we were there and getting seen to straight away, i came straight back in to find that they had put Jason on Oxygen, as his Oxygen stats kept staying between 90 and 89 as soon as they put the mask near him his stats picked back up to 99 to 100, they then sent him away for a chest x-ray Jason had white spots all over his lungs then doctors told me that he had bronchiolitis and what looked like the on set on pneumonia so they decided to keep him in for obs and just in case he got worse, Jaosn had to keep his Oxygen on for Wednesday night and some of Thursday morning, he started to get a little better by Thursday though still the doctors came in puzzled not knowing what was wrong, i was getting quite scared cos he was really sick,  and the doctors didn't know how to treat him, though on Friday the doctors came in to examine him as jason was seeming to have gotten better just like that (must of been all the prayers and so forth that i asked for) they said that he had Parainfluenza 3 and bronchiolitis, though because he was doing a lot better and was no longer needing Oxygen we were aloud to come home