I swear i am about to explode, the kids are really getting to me as of late, they are both being so defiant and naughty, Between the tantrums and screaming i honestly dont know how much more i can take before i flip out
This have really been getting to me my emotions are everywhere same as my hormones i am always tired though medically there is nothing wrong with me,
The doctor has put me on new anti depressants i have been taking them for about a week now so i hope these ones help,
My weight has finally gone up i am now 42.9kgs i am really happy about that as for the last 3 weeks when i had my weigh in i had lost weight all 3 times,
Daniel and I are still not seeing eye to eye and with that i have NO IDEA what to do, half of me thinks it would be better if he left and it was jsut the boys and I and the other half wants me to keep giving him chances
I just want to cry, i am really no handling this
My home buisness isnt doing to good i really thought that it would though i guess that was just money down the drain incase you dont know what i am talking about CLICK HERE
I really hope this all ends soon i really do
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Need to Vent... Need to Cry
So much is going on right no its unbelievable, We are in one of the biggest disasters that i know of here in Queensland, we are going through a massive flood, People overseas dont really know just how bad it is, though when you tell them that the amount of land that is under water is basically the same land mass of Germany and France put together they then start to get a rough idea, so many lives have been lost and there are still so many more people missing, I really do hope they end up being found alive and ok, though the more time goes by the more chances of that is becoming more grim, people have lost their homes and all their belongings people have lost their source of income and now have to worry about how they are going to feed their families and how they are going to live... so what i am about to vent/write about it really going to sound so very very selfish though i need to get it out, and here in my blog i know i can write what i need to and get out what i need to
I know there is a saying out there something along the lines of "be grateful for what you have as there are people out there worse of than you"
Any yeah i am very and i mean VERY grateful that we still have our home, i still have my family as none of them were lost or missing, we still have food in the cupboards it might not be much food though we still at least have some.... so after saying all of that what i am about to say/write is going to sound down right selfish and disrespectful to all though as i said i need to get it out and vent and get it off my chest and her ei know i can write whats on my mind and in my heart
i really dont know where to begin or how to start it so i am really sorry
though please bare with me as i just write everything down and get it all out
Thing have been really tough for Daniel the boys and I mostly the one thing that really stresses us out is money
on Tuesday when the flooding began i lost my job, like yeah the pay wasnt to crash hot though at least it was some extra money coming in where we would be able to do a good food shop get bills paid etc , most of our problems started before Christmas as work said for me not to come in for the last week before Christmas and work was shutting down for 2 weeks over the break so that was 3 weeks that i wouldnt get paid for and we cant survive just off Daniels income, so you could guess it was a very bleek Christmas, i had my family around so that was the main thing,
Daniel and I were only just able to put food on the table for the boys that was only after ebing able to borrow $200 per week for the 3 weeks off Daniels mum Jill and i am grateful for that
My weight if a very big problem now as most of you know i suffer from an eating disorder/s i have done since i was 18, Anorexia and bulimia I thought i was over it all up until we lost our son Bryce when i was 21, my weight started to drop after that i guess you could say because my weight was the only thing that i was in control of, and at that time i needed to be in control of something as my whole world had come crashing down, though with all the stress that has been going on here my weight has dropped yet again, now to the point i can not put it on doesnt matter how hard i try nothing is seeming to work, the steroid that i am taking are keeping my weight stable though they are not helping me put it on, I guess to because i am not eating enough, I know i am not used to eating 3 meals a day plus snacks in between i try to eat as much as i can though now every time i eat now all i feel like doing is throwing up, i had the choice today to be admitted into hospital to help gut my weight up as i am now down to 42.1kgs, I know i dont eat that much here at home as i really dont know how long the food will last and i wont let Daniel or the boys go with out i would prefer to starve then to make them not eat
We are about to get out power disconnected as we havent paid our bill as it was due around Christmas time, and at that stage i had not been working so money was tight and food for my children was more important, i called them today to organize a payment plan and explained to them that i had just lost my job and that money was really tight, and that over the Christmas period i wasnt working and to be honest putting food on the table for my kids was more important i told them that we could really only afford to pay $20 off per week though he said that we have to pay $75 per fortnight, and asked if that was ok or would i like to pay more, i told him we couldnt even afford that though we are going to have to come up with the money some how, Also on top of that my mobile is about to go as well for the same reasons, Plus with rego coming up as well thing are just getting worse and worse, Im finding it hard to get a job again, as with the floods etc its alot harder,
so i am scared that we are not going to be able to put food on the table for the kids and we are going to have no power etc,
As i said right at the start that i know there are people worse off than us though i really had to get this out, i am sorry if i sound selfish as mud i really am
I know there is a saying out there something along the lines of "be grateful for what you have as there are people out there worse of than you"
Any yeah i am very and i mean VERY grateful that we still have our home, i still have my family as none of them were lost or missing, we still have food in the cupboards it might not be much food though we still at least have some.... so after saying all of that what i am about to say/write is going to sound down right selfish and disrespectful to all though as i said i need to get it out and vent and get it off my chest and her ei know i can write whats on my mind and in my heart
i really dont know where to begin or how to start it so i am really sorry
though please bare with me as i just write everything down and get it all out
Thing have been really tough for Daniel the boys and I mostly the one thing that really stresses us out is money
on Tuesday when the flooding began i lost my job, like yeah the pay wasnt to crash hot though at least it was some extra money coming in where we would be able to do a good food shop get bills paid etc , most of our problems started before Christmas as work said for me not to come in for the last week before Christmas and work was shutting down for 2 weeks over the break so that was 3 weeks that i wouldnt get paid for and we cant survive just off Daniels income, so you could guess it was a very bleek Christmas, i had my family around so that was the main thing,
Daniel and I were only just able to put food on the table for the boys that was only after ebing able to borrow $200 per week for the 3 weeks off Daniels mum Jill and i am grateful for that
My weight if a very big problem now as most of you know i suffer from an eating disorder/s i have done since i was 18, Anorexia and bulimia I thought i was over it all up until we lost our son Bryce when i was 21, my weight started to drop after that i guess you could say because my weight was the only thing that i was in control of, and at that time i needed to be in control of something as my whole world had come crashing down, though with all the stress that has been going on here my weight has dropped yet again, now to the point i can not put it on doesnt matter how hard i try nothing is seeming to work, the steroid that i am taking are keeping my weight stable though they are not helping me put it on, I guess to because i am not eating enough, I know i am not used to eating 3 meals a day plus snacks in between i try to eat as much as i can though now every time i eat now all i feel like doing is throwing up, i had the choice today to be admitted into hospital to help gut my weight up as i am now down to 42.1kgs, I know i dont eat that much here at home as i really dont know how long the food will last and i wont let Daniel or the boys go with out i would prefer to starve then to make them not eat
We are about to get out power disconnected as we havent paid our bill as it was due around Christmas time, and at that stage i had not been working so money was tight and food for my children was more important, i called them today to organize a payment plan and explained to them that i had just lost my job and that money was really tight, and that over the Christmas period i wasnt working and to be honest putting food on the table for my kids was more important i told them that we could really only afford to pay $20 off per week though he said that we have to pay $75 per fortnight, and asked if that was ok or would i like to pay more, i told him we couldnt even afford that though we are going to have to come up with the money some how, Also on top of that my mobile is about to go as well for the same reasons, Plus with rego coming up as well thing are just getting worse and worse, Im finding it hard to get a job again, as with the floods etc its alot harder,
so i am scared that we are not going to be able to put food on the table for the kids and we are going to have no power etc,
As i said right at the start that i know there are people worse off than us though i really had to get this out, i am sorry if i sound selfish as mud i really am
Monday, December 27, 2010
Asking to much?
Well i guess i am asking to much i think.
Im sick of our house looking like a pig sty, all i am ever seeming to do is clean, i get it half way nice and clean then the kids come home and its not dirty though just becomes untidy,
I guess it would be to much to ask to get Daniels help hey??? like yeah i do understand that he works 5 days a week from about 8am to about 6pm, though i work to i might not do the hours that he does, though i work from 12 to 6pm monday to thursday then from 12 to 5pm on friday, i get up early to the boys some morning its around 4am, i get them ready for daycare, leave at about 6.30 dont get home to around 8ish, then that gives me 2 hours to get the place clean again, bottles toys picked up vacuuming dishes and washing then i get ready for work at 10 then leave at 11am, so come a weekend or before he goes to work it would be nice if i had a bit of a hand
He honestly wonders why i get so tired and why i go to bed early when i can or have a nap during the day on the weekend, though after doing everything and dealing with the kids on the weekend i am truly stuffed, come some days i am just that tired i cant be bothered cooking tea, so it would be nice if tea was cooked for me, Yes i understand that daniel is tired as well, as he stays up most nights to about 10.30-11pm, just incase Deacan wakes back up,though i am still up early of a morning, i dont know i guess i am just asking to much, most nights all he does is sit on the computer and play his games and thats it,i really dont know any more
Im sick of our house looking like a pig sty, all i am ever seeming to do is clean, i get it half way nice and clean then the kids come home and its not dirty though just becomes untidy,
I guess it would be to much to ask to get Daniels help hey??? like yeah i do understand that he works 5 days a week from about 8am to about 6pm, though i work to i might not do the hours that he does, though i work from 12 to 6pm monday to thursday then from 12 to 5pm on friday, i get up early to the boys some morning its around 4am, i get them ready for daycare, leave at about 6.30 dont get home to around 8ish, then that gives me 2 hours to get the place clean again, bottles toys picked up vacuuming dishes and washing then i get ready for work at 10 then leave at 11am, so come a weekend or before he goes to work it would be nice if i had a bit of a hand
He honestly wonders why i get so tired and why i go to bed early when i can or have a nap during the day on the weekend, though after doing everything and dealing with the kids on the weekend i am truly stuffed, come some days i am just that tired i cant be bothered cooking tea, so it would be nice if tea was cooked for me, Yes i understand that daniel is tired as well, as he stays up most nights to about 10.30-11pm, just incase Deacan wakes back up,though i am still up early of a morning, i dont know i guess i am just asking to much, most nights all he does is sit on the computer and play his games and thats it,i really dont know any more
Q
Am i asking to much?? Does your partner help you out?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Drama
LMFAO!!!!!!!! Im sorry i just find it amusing how people like to cause drama/crap like seriously,
Long story short, some shit has happened on another friends facebook page, a post was made to me by another person,
here is the post i have left names out as it doesnt need to be put it
Like really??? why even bother posting it on someone else's facebook page? why not just post it on my or send it as a message? i'm sorry i know you all dont need to see this though i find it funny i really do, last time i checked we were all adults not little children,
Though another thing i find funny is how its so unbelivable that my doctor was giving me the injection every month instead of every 3 months, he wanted to speed it up,
speed what up you ask? to hurry up and make it so the egg couldnt embed its self and also because i was having problems with bleeding so he thought if i got it sooner rather than later it would dry the bleeding up also placing me on these little white tablets as well to stop the bleeding,
Though i guess i am just a "drama queen" or a "Hypochondriac" or a "Lier" or what ever you want to call it, because there was no way for me to be pregnant even through the injection was out of my system, YES the Ultrasound didn't show i was pregnant though the full blood work that he had done did, so for someone who ISN'T pregnant why would they have a beta or hcg level of 63???? though thats right i wasnt....
and as for my medical records being as thick as an encyclopedia LOL it might surprise you i havent been to the docotrs that much it has mainly been for my children, though i'm guess you know best once again i am wrong,
To be honest I really couldnt give two shits if this gets back to the poster, i really couldnt, as i dont have to explain myself to any one, let alone lie about anything,
Its just funny that people cant come to you if they have a problem with you they have to drag someone else into it, so now unfortunately my friend is now in the middle of it when it had nothing to do with her at all, though i am wondering how the poster found out about all of this considering i dont talk to them, let alone they don't have access to my facebook page as its private though oh well ill just continue to laugh about it, cos really that's all you can do in an instance like this LOL LOL LOL LOL
Long story short, some shit has happened on another friends facebook page, a post was made to me by another person,
here is the post i have left names out as it doesnt need to be put it
This comment is for SARAH ATKINSON " WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT " you can not have depo shots once a month, it is only 3 monthly shots , most of the time your period stops or you bleed all the time , so not a chance of you getting pregs again, you have weight gain, loss of sexual desire, depression , headaches and loads more... side effects. I have been on depo shots now since feb and hate it , and have looked up a site all about depo shots to find out more info about it and what it does to your body. WAKE UP TO YOUR SELF GIRL .
Like really??? why even bother posting it on someone else's facebook page? why not just post it on my or send it as a message? i'm sorry i know you all dont need to see this though i find it funny i really do, last time i checked we were all adults not little children,
Though another thing i find funny is how its so unbelivable that my doctor was giving me the injection every month instead of every 3 months, he wanted to speed it up,
speed what up you ask? to hurry up and make it so the egg couldnt embed its self and also because i was having problems with bleeding so he thought if i got it sooner rather than later it would dry the bleeding up also placing me on these little white tablets as well to stop the bleeding,
Though i guess i am just a "drama queen" or a "Hypochondriac" or a "Lier" or what ever you want to call it, because there was no way for me to be pregnant even through the injection was out of my system, YES the Ultrasound didn't show i was pregnant though the full blood work that he had done did, so for someone who ISN'T pregnant why would they have a beta or hcg level of 63???? though thats right i wasnt....
and as for my medical records being as thick as an encyclopedia LOL it might surprise you i havent been to the docotrs that much it has mainly been for my children, though i'm guess you know best once again i am wrong,
To be honest I really couldnt give two shits if this gets back to the poster, i really couldnt, as i dont have to explain myself to any one, let alone lie about anything,
Its just funny that people cant come to you if they have a problem with you they have to drag someone else into it, so now unfortunately my friend is now in the middle of it when it had nothing to do with her at all, though i am wondering how the poster found out about all of this considering i dont talk to them, let alone they don't have access to my facebook page as its private though oh well ill just continue to laugh about it, cos really that's all you can do in an instance like this LOL LOL LOL LOL
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Finally
I finally done it, I asked the doctor for help,
I went and sore the doctor yesterday and told him that i wasn't coping to well with everything that is going on, and that i needed help he said that he has wanted to put me on something for quite a while now, though i kept turning him down, as i wanted to do it myself, and i was scared that if i went on something or told him i wasnt coping that he would take my kids off me, he said that i have lasted a very long time with out anything and that i am stronger than i think i am, due to everything that i have been through and i still managed to keep it together, The doctor said that he would gladly put me on the mediation to help and he said that he would never take my children off me, and he is proud that i finally asked for help,
I have been trying to deal with this on my own and now it has gotten me so low i couldn't see a way out, i feel a lot better for asking for help,
I was ment to be on anti depressants after loosing Bryce though i didnt want to take anything, and then after having jason i started to suffer from postnatal depression, and i was so ashamed so i didnt ask for help at all, as i didnt want anyone to know, though for the past couple of months things have really been getting on top of me and i feel like i have no control over anything , he said that the medication wont help straight away though it will be between 6 months to 1 year before i notice a well and truly improvement
I went and sore the doctor yesterday and told him that i wasn't coping to well with everything that is going on, and that i needed help he said that he has wanted to put me on something for quite a while now, though i kept turning him down, as i wanted to do it myself, and i was scared that if i went on something or told him i wasnt coping that he would take my kids off me, he said that i have lasted a very long time with out anything and that i am stronger than i think i am, due to everything that i have been through and i still managed to keep it together, The doctor said that he would gladly put me on the mediation to help and he said that he would never take my children off me, and he is proud that i finally asked for help,
I have been trying to deal with this on my own and now it has gotten me so low i couldn't see a way out, i feel a lot better for asking for help,
I was ment to be on anti depressants after loosing Bryce though i didnt want to take anything, and then after having jason i started to suffer from postnatal depression, and i was so ashamed so i didnt ask for help at all, as i didnt want anyone to know, though for the past couple of months things have really been getting on top of me and i feel like i have no control over anything , he said that the medication wont help straight away though it will be between 6 months to 1 year before i notice a well and truly improvement
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Been a while
So its been awhile since i have last posted anything,
every time i sit down to write something happens with the kids or i go to sit and write and my mind becomes blank, and have no idea what to write,
I have been trying to help a god friend of mine latley as she has suffered a loss, though unlike most of us baby loss mummas she never go to see or hold her little one or even get the chance to find out the sex of her baby, as she was only 17 weeks along, my heart really breaks for her and for all the other mothers and fathers out there as well for having to go through this,
I'm finding it hard with what to say to her, though i am always offering my ear or shoulder if she ever needs it,
I remember after loosing Bryce there was not much anyone could say or do though just having that person on the other end of the phone or MSN was great to be able to talk to them and let out what i was feeling, I did suggest to her that possibly writing about it might help as i have found that writing has helped me though i know writing isnt for everyone,
So as well all know this weeks is remembrance week so i would like to take the time to ask everyone to please think about all the other parents that have lost their children as well if that is ok please,
things with me have been getting there, i still have my good and bad days as i am still finding around the house little things of bryce's through out the house
I am also feeling quite guilty as i have not been out to see him in a very long time, i find that i go to drive out there to say hello and i start crying before i even get there so i turn around and come back.. Im not sure why i am getting like this as i used to be ok driving out there it was just once i got there and seen his tomb stone i start crying,
every time i sit down to write something happens with the kids or i go to sit and write and my mind becomes blank, and have no idea what to write,
I have been trying to help a god friend of mine latley as she has suffered a loss, though unlike most of us baby loss mummas she never go to see or hold her little one or even get the chance to find out the sex of her baby, as she was only 17 weeks along, my heart really breaks for her and for all the other mothers and fathers out there as well for having to go through this,
I'm finding it hard with what to say to her, though i am always offering my ear or shoulder if she ever needs it,
I remember after loosing Bryce there was not much anyone could say or do though just having that person on the other end of the phone or MSN was great to be able to talk to them and let out what i was feeling, I did suggest to her that possibly writing about it might help as i have found that writing has helped me though i know writing isnt for everyone,
So as well all know this weeks is remembrance week so i would like to take the time to ask everyone to please think about all the other parents that have lost their children as well if that is ok please,
things with me have been getting there, i still have my good and bad days as i am still finding around the house little things of bryce's through out the house
I am also feeling quite guilty as i have not been out to see him in a very long time, i find that i go to drive out there to say hello and i start crying before i even get there so i turn around and come back.. Im not sure why i am getting like this as i used to be ok driving out there it was just once i got there and seen his tomb stone i start crying,
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Why?
I have been wanting to post this for a while and every time i think about what i am going to write i end up crying, though i have been often wondering WHY about alot of things,
am finding myself wondering why did god have to take my son away? why did he think he had the right to? Why did he think that Bryce was better of with him then 2 loving parents? and why did he almost take my life as well?
I miss him so much i want him to be here with us not in some box in the ground, its just not fair, the doctors can not give us any answers still to this day just under 2 1/2 years later and we are none the wiser all we were told is "its just one of those things that happen" and " that it doesn't happen to that many people i'm sorry though you are just one of those unfortunate people" Right yeah ok like that answers a hell of a lot,
People tell me that i should just get over it and be thankful for the 2 little ones i have now, and i am grateful for them i really am, though i should have 3 children home with me not 2,
Why do i keep forgetting him for? i forget what his skin felt like what it was like to hold him what it was like to dress him and hold him so close to me, Why did i have to give him back to the nurses to take away Why couldnt i bring myself to hold him more for and look at him more,
Why did i put off going to the hospital for? maybe this could of all been prevented, Why didnt i go for, Why didnt i make the nurses listen to me when i called them, why did i take their advice and not go in then and there, Why did my body have to reject him for?
I want answers but i guess i am never going to get them....
all i can do is sit here and wonder why...............
am finding myself wondering why did god have to take my son away? why did he think he had the right to? Why did he think that Bryce was better of with him then 2 loving parents? and why did he almost take my life as well?
I miss him so much i want him to be here with us not in some box in the ground, its just not fair, the doctors can not give us any answers still to this day just under 2 1/2 years later and we are none the wiser all we were told is "its just one of those things that happen" and " that it doesn't happen to that many people i'm sorry though you are just one of those unfortunate people" Right yeah ok like that answers a hell of a lot,
People tell me that i should just get over it and be thankful for the 2 little ones i have now, and i am grateful for them i really am, though i should have 3 children home with me not 2,
Why do i keep forgetting him for? i forget what his skin felt like what it was like to hold him what it was like to dress him and hold him so close to me, Why did i have to give him back to the nurses to take away Why couldnt i bring myself to hold him more for and look at him more,
Why did i put off going to the hospital for? maybe this could of all been prevented, Why didnt i go for, Why didnt i make the nurses listen to me when i called them, why did i take their advice and not go in then and there, Why did my body have to reject him for?
I want answers but i guess i am never going to get them....
all i can do is sit here and wonder why...............
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Full On
Well al i can say is that i have had a full on weekend, its been non stop and on the go,
having a packed house doesn't help either, and SO loud, I'm not used to so much noise, and with having Deacan and getting him used to being in a cot, i kinds need it to be quite when it comes time for him to sleep, and i don't feel right any more shutting the door while he is in bed, as i have had a few friends babies/children die of SIDS, so i like to have the door open a little so i can make sure he is breathing, and see the chest moving and also to make sure he hasn't covered his face
I am still doing my Ebay as well adding stuff on there and selling it, it could work out quite good as well, hopefully be able to make some money out of it
Also applied for quite a lot of work as well though let just watch me not get any call backs it really sucks i have the experience that is needed and i can work the hours that are needed as well, and yet still no call back i need to go back to work i want to go back to work
Well thats about it at the moment i can think of need to go and check on jason lol he is really quite,
Oh if anyone would like the link to my Ebay thing just let me know and ill give it to you
Regards
having a packed house doesn't help either, and SO loud, I'm not used to so much noise, and with having Deacan and getting him used to being in a cot, i kinds need it to be quite when it comes time for him to sleep, and i don't feel right any more shutting the door while he is in bed, as i have had a few friends babies/children die of SIDS, so i like to have the door open a little so i can make sure he is breathing, and see the chest moving and also to make sure he hasn't covered his face
I am still doing my Ebay as well adding stuff on there and selling it, it could work out quite good as well, hopefully be able to make some money out of it
Also applied for quite a lot of work as well though let just watch me not get any call backs it really sucks i have the experience that is needed and i can work the hours that are needed as well, and yet still no call back i need to go back to work i want to go back to work
Well thats about it at the moment i can think of need to go and check on jason lol he is really quite,
Oh if anyone would like the link to my Ebay thing just let me know and ill give it to you
Regards
Sarah
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Baby Things
Im really debating if I should get rid of all the baby stuff that Deacan grows out of or if i should just keep it all,
like the big stuff that is like the bassinet and so forth, cos i guess having another child isnt 100% out of the question it just is at the moment, how do we know what is going to happen in 2 to 3 years down the track?
Plus i dont wan to part with some of it :( some of it has a bit of history with it, like the baby clothes yeah i can just give them away to other people that are having kids, as i have done already, cos baby clothes are easy enough to get
like the big stuff that is like the bassinet and so forth, cos i guess having another child isnt 100% out of the question it just is at the moment, how do we know what is going to happen in 2 to 3 years down the track?
Plus i dont wan to part with some of it :( some of it has a bit of history with it, like the baby clothes yeah i can just give them away to other people that are having kids, as i have done already, cos baby clothes are easy enough to get
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Over it
AHHHH where to start...
What gives people the right to tell you how to raise your children?? what makes them think that their child raising skills are the bee's knees...
Like yeah i don't care if people want to give advice though once they start TELLING me what i should and shouldn't be doing with MY children that's when i draw the line...
Once they win mother of the year award i will let them TELL me what to do though until that happens i really couldn't give to hoots,
Maybe they don't mean to do it, though once i could understand and not worry about it, twice yeah maybe they didn't know though all the bloody time??? get your head out of the clouds!!!!
I'm so sorry its just so god damm frustrating, its like i am just always hitting my head up against a brick wall.... as i tell them not to tell me what to do though YET they still do,
i need a poster that says "insert brick wall here"
What gives people the right to tell you how to raise your children?? what makes them think that their child raising skills are the bee's knees...
Like yeah i don't care if people want to give advice though once they start TELLING me what i should and shouldn't be doing with MY children that's when i draw the line...
Once they win mother of the year award i will let them TELL me what to do though until that happens i really couldn't give to hoots,
Maybe they don't mean to do it, though once i could understand and not worry about it, twice yeah maybe they didn't know though all the bloody time??? get your head out of the clouds!!!!
I'm so sorry its just so god damm frustrating, its like i am just always hitting my head up against a brick wall.... as i tell them not to tell me what to do though YET they still do,
i need a poster that says "insert brick wall here"
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Playing on my mind
so i have had this playing on my mind for a VERY long time and didnt know whether to say something or not though i know if i dont i am just going to keep stewing on it
A few people have told me its time to move on and to let Bryce go and rest in peace, and that i should stop going on like i do some of them have NEVER lost a child so have NO idea what I am going through or how I feel, some of them have lost a child though not at birth they have go to take their child home, I am not going to mention names as i dont think its fair
Though for the ones WHO DID GET to take their child home, YOU was able to hold your child when ever you wished,
YOU WAS able to feel that heart beating against your chest,
YOU WAS able to feel your child breath and peer into their loving eyes,
WHEN you HELD your child he/she was worm and moving
MY son's heart wasnt beating, i didnt have a chance to feel it against my chest
MY son wasnt breathing so i never got to feel his breath upon my skin,
MY son's eyes were not open when he was born so i never got a chance to look at them
WHEN i got my FIRST hold of my son he wasn't warm, he was cold and lifeless, and heavy,
I never got a chance to take him home and tuck him in, i NEVER got the chance to leave the hospital with him,
Instead i recived a purple box, with a few photos and the doctors telling me "your still young you have plenty of time for more children"
So before you want to tell me to MOVE on and GET OVER it, how about you think of all that and JUST how LUCKY you really are,
Im really sorry if that is harsh or careless though i have had enough of people telling me to get over it, i will move on from Bryce when i am ready to, and NOT when anyone tells me to
A few people have told me its time to move on and to let Bryce go and rest in peace, and that i should stop going on like i do some of them have NEVER lost a child so have NO idea what I am going through or how I feel, some of them have lost a child though not at birth they have go to take their child home, I am not going to mention names as i dont think its fair
Though for the ones WHO DID GET to take their child home, YOU was able to hold your child when ever you wished,
YOU WAS able to feel that heart beating against your chest,
YOU WAS able to feel your child breath and peer into their loving eyes,
WHEN you HELD your child he/she was worm and moving
MY son's heart wasnt beating, i didnt have a chance to feel it against my chest
MY son wasnt breathing so i never got to feel his breath upon my skin,
MY son's eyes were not open when he was born so i never got a chance to look at them
WHEN i got my FIRST hold of my son he wasn't warm, he was cold and lifeless, and heavy,
I never got a chance to take him home and tuck him in, i NEVER got the chance to leave the hospital with him,
Instead i recived a purple box, with a few photos and the doctors telling me "your still young you have plenty of time for more children"
So before you want to tell me to MOVE on and GET OVER it, how about you think of all that and JUST how LUCKY you really are,
Im really sorry if that is harsh or careless though i have had enough of people telling me to get over it, i will move on from Bryce when i am ready to, and NOT when anyone tells me to
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Thinking
I was thinking about starting a cause on Facebook regarding mums and dads who have lost little one, to bring out the awareness that child birth isn't as straight forward as we all believe, and how not every person is so lucky to have their little ones with them,
I know that i am bless with my 2 beautiful boys that i have been given after the loss of Bryce, though there are some mums and dads out there, though don't have any other children, who haven't been blessed like some of us,
And i know quite a few people that have been blessed with not loosing a child,
If i can get enough people behind me with this i will start the cause, can you please let me know if you are interested or not
I know that i am bless with my 2 beautiful boys that i have been given after the loss of Bryce, though there are some mums and dads out there, though don't have any other children, who haven't been blessed like some of us,
And i know quite a few people that have been blessed with not loosing a child,
If i can get enough people behind me with this i will start the cause, can you please let me know if you are interested or not
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