How Sweet

I feel truly  blessed i really do, last night i was really shown the true kindness of people,

The 2 missionaries that come to visit, talk and to do the lessons came over at around 8ish last night, Alisa my neighbor across the road had told them that Deacan was in hospital sick and they came over last night to see if he was ok and to see if there was anything that i needed/wanted a hand with,

Honestly how sweet is that really? i truly felt blessed to know them and i am very grateful that they have come into our lives,

God

They say that things happen for a reason and people come into our lives for a reason as well,

funny thing is with that saying i think that it is right,

Since the birth and death of Bryce i have lost all faith in God and i have been so angry at him that i have shut him out of my life and i had stopped believing and praying though about 3 weeks ago 2 young gentleman were in our neighborhood  sharing  the good name of the lord, they stopped to speak to me though had seen that i was busy taking the boys from the car into the house, so they waited there for me finish and asked if they could speak to me, so i thought i would stand there and listen to what they had to say, i told them that at this time i hated God i really did and i explained why they told me that they understood the pain that i was carrying around and said that it was a pain that i shouldnt have to carry alone they said some other stuff to though to be honest i cant remember, though back to it today they came over with my next door neighbor we all sat out the front talking for a bit 

While I was talking with them today, and told them that i hated god and that i had lost all belief and faith and i told them why, that i hated god for taking my son away and that he thought he was more needed up there in heaven than with his mum ...and dad, and after sitting and talking and listening and yes you did read correctly i listened i was able to understand the reasons behind it, they said a prayer at the end of our session to invite good spirits into our house to watch over us, and keep us safe and after they left i sat down and said a prayer to him asking for forgivness and said to him that i was sorry for hating him, and sorry for shutting him our of my life and asked for guideness back to him and after that i felt like so much guilt pain and sadness had been taken away

 

I am ready to open my heart back up to God and i am ready to restore my faith in him, I dont want to carry this sadness or guilt that i have on my own I am really ready for God to help through this now,

So with that said i leave this for you all

Our heavenly Father I ask that you please share this burden that i am carrying around, and to give me strength when i need it the most, May i ask that all the other Mothers and Fathers out their who have had their Children taken away be able to have the strength to keep their faith, I pray that all my close friends and my family are kept safe from harm, for them to stay in well health, In the name of Jesus Christ, amen

Q: to those who do have faith or have lost it and found it again, What has helped you carry on in the belief that God is out there and doesnt want us to go through the pain that we do

Finding things that help

So along my travels in trying to find answers and trying to speak to other poor mums that have lost little ones, i was put in touch with this page Stirrup queens there are a huge list of pregnancy loss and baby loss mums and other factors as well,
It really breaks my heart to know that there are so many mums out there that have gone through this,
To know the pain that i go through each day all these mums and dads go through it to, its not fair


People say that it is "gods work" why does he get to choose who comes and goes

Helping others

I really want to help others out that have been through the loss of a child
Or have had a premature baby,

I want to be there for other people when they need it though i am unsure how to help
I want to be able to have all the information here on my blog for other people to read, if you have lost a child for a reason let me know and i can place a link on my blog for other mums to go and read and possible get help, also the same for a premature baby as well i REALLY want to help others, and let other mums out there know about these problems so if and god forbid any of them do happen they have the early warning signs to look out for so they dont suffer the same losses we have