Isnt It Funny

Now im not to sure if people are going to understand where i am coming from or yet even what i mean by this post,
Though you know when you listen to a song and then you can say that song so suits me at the moment,

The song i have been listening to and have been for a while is kenny rogers "Buy Me A Rose"

"Buy Me A Rose"

He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
A three car garage, her own credit cards
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss good night
If he could only read her mind, she'd say:

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

Now the days have grown to years of feeling all alone
And she can't help but wonder what she's doing wrong
Cause lately she'd try anything to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said:

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives the more that he sees
This is a story of you and me

So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
Cause I'm gonna make things right
For the rest of your life
I'm gonna hold you tonight
Do all those little things
For the rest of your life.

I really feel that this song suits me at the moment  the one bit that really stands out is

Now the days have grown to years of feeling all alone
And she can't help but wonder what she's doing wrong
Cause lately she'd try anything to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said:

I guess part of me isnt happy, I haven't been happy for years,
though yeah there isnt anything anyone can do about it, its no one elses problem, its a two way street, and i am seriously sick of being the only who one who tries or cares,

So know i just give up, i'll just keeping living each day though im not going to try any more, i guess they say living each day or just passing through the motions,

Really over it

Im just so over everything i really am, Im over being ingored, im over being treated like crap, im over being expected to do everything, im over being expected to drop everything and come running when anyone says...

Do people no realize that i have my own life and that i am not here to service them?

I have my own stuff to worry about, i have my own stresses to worry about have you ever thought of that? how about you come running when ever i say how about you drop everything when i want you to,,,,

Everything is just getting to much it really is, the boys, life, marriage, looking for work, bills,
I hate how i am expected to everything just a little help is all i am asking for,
I was lucky enough that my father in law peter was about to take Deacan for the night, as he is picking up on everything and becoming a down right handful also doesnt help that he is teething and has a bad case of colic as well,
Daniel and I are seeming to argue a lot and thats just adding to everything i am so sick of him spending so much time on the computer its jsut insane, i ask him to do something usally when i ask him to do something with the boys i need them to be done there and then though no its when he is ready like if jason or deacan has a shitty bum he cant go and change it right there and then has to wait or a snotty nose,
daniel wonders why i am so tired all the time, i spend most of the day cleaning, doing dishes, bottles, washing, lookin after the 2 boys, driving like 80km a day, now add working on top of that, well trying to find a job first any how...

People

What is it with people these days?
Why does no body every just call you to say hello or to see how you are for? Why is it you only ever hear from people now when they want something, or to find out information?
Do people just not care about others? or take an interest in other people any more?
Im not going to do it any more screw it, I am sick of being the one who calls just for a chat, or because i haven't heard from someone for a while so just checking in to see if they are OK and don't need help with anything,
Like yeah fair enough i understand peoples lives are busy though how hard is it to pick up the phone and give a quick call? or send a quick email? or maybe a txt? like yeah it might be selfish of me saying this though yeah yeah, im just amazed with just how little anyone keeps in contact with anyone anymore,

being Selfish?

I often wonder if i am being selfish or pig headed or unreasonable, 
I think sometimes that people dont understand me or how i feel, or what i want out of life, and this is where it comes in i think i am being selfish

I want to know that my life has some purpose to it, and that i am ment to be here for a reason, like to get me worng i am happy with my life though i guess i want more with it, I would love for it to have more meaning that what it does i guess,
I know i have meaning and purpose to my 3 little gorges boys, and to my husband that i think loves me, though not 100% sure on that one as i dont get told it that often,

And i guess i am also being selfish as i hate being told how many kids i can have, I would love to have a lot more children, I am VERY happy with my 3 boys, though i would like to have more, and Daniel has said NO out right to any more children, is it selfish to want more than what we know we can have?
I know there is a good chance that every pregnancy can either take my life or the babies lives, and i know that it is being selfish as i know this can happen yet i want more,
I guess for me being told NO to children is like putting a beer infront of an alcoholic and telling/demanding they can not drink it,  i guess it just hurts more than anything
I know i would really love a happy ending as well, maybe i already have mine though i am to blind or pig headed to see it, i want more out of life than what i have, i want to do more with my life, i want my life to have meaning.. I have always been told that everyone is here for a reason if that is true than what is my reason? What was Bryce's reason? what is Jason's reason? What is Deacan's Reason? or Daniels reason? do we all have one?
I guess i just have been doing way way way to much thinking, though yeah just being honest with everything,
As i said this could be classed as being selfish or pig headed or what not, though yeah

Eggs

i have been thinking about this hugely and think if i can not have any more kids, and knowing that my eggs are SUPER fertile then maybe i should donate them so some other lucky couple/family can have start their own.. though i tried to Google what is involved and i cant seem to find out what you need to do and what happens

seen on facebook

Seen this on facebook its really sweet though brought a tear to my eye, i really dont know whats wrong i dont no if its my hormones or what though yeah it made me cry

I loved you the minute i found out you existed, then I saw your ultrasound scan and fell in love with you more. You were only a few centremeters long but I knew I would die for you, and to this day I still would and I would do anything I could to protect you. This is the miracle of life! Put this on your status if you have children you love more than life itself


This suits Bryce so much... Even though he was not a planned pregnancy as soon as i seen him i loved him right from the little jelly bean look that he was from the first kick and movement... right up until he was born...

and still to this day i love him more than life itself

Life swap?

I think i am in need of a life swap... i know i dont have it as hard as other people and everything like that, though the life i have now is really getting to me,
Ive just had enough of everything i am so irritated by EVERYTHING,
I just want to curl up in a corner in a ball and just cry my eyes out for ages,
Everything is getting on top of me
I need to return to work though people are at me becuase i have put Deacan in day care, and i will be putting him in for an extra day as well, I HAVE to go back to work, people just dont understand that
some of us are not lucky that we can just live off our partners income,
I can only work the days the boys are in day care and i can only put Deacan in for 2 days as they dont have the 3rd day free that i want, also can work on the weekend as well,
I think going back to work will really be good for me,
Get me out of this house
get me back in the real worl around real people,


I swear deacan hates me at the moment he is well behaved for everyone else but me he jsut plays up on me, any how i guess i should just stop bitching

A life?

How are you meant to repay someone if you owe them your life?
How are you meant to show them that you are grateful?
can you ever repay your debit?
I know if it wasn't for this person i would not be here now, i do owe my life to her, though i would like to repay her for it, though just don't know how to nor what to do.