Thinking about things

Well i have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and i can honestly say after everything i have been through in the past 2 1/2 years to come out still in one piece and sane that i can do anything and accomplish anything,

after loosing a child and almost loosing my life after being married for only 23 weeks, to have a micro prem that we nearly lost several times and who spent 88 days in hospital, then to almost loose another child due to early labor, though spending 10 weeks straight in hospital with hardley ANY visits from any friends or family let alone my son, then to go though labor ALL on my own WITH OUT drugs and still come out on top with a LOVING husband, 2 gorgeous boys, and 1 little angel watching over us to make sure no harm comes to us i must be one of the most luckiest people on the planet,

As they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, though for all my CLOSE friends out there and the ones who have been there when i really needed it a big thank you to you all, 

Playing on my mind

so i have had this playing on my mind for a VERY long time and didnt know whether to say something or not though i know if i dont i am just going to keep stewing on it

A few people have told me its time to move on and to let Bryce go and rest in peace, and that i should stop going on like i do some of them have NEVER lost a child so have NO idea what I am going through or how I feel, some of them have lost a child though not at birth they have go to take their child home, I am not going to mention names as i dont think its fair

Though for the ones WHO DID GET to take their child home, YOU was able to hold your child when ever you wished,
YOU WAS able to feel that heart beating against your chest,
YOU WAS able to feel your child breath and peer into their loving eyes,
WHEN you HELD your child he/she was worm and moving

MY son's heart wasnt beating, i didnt have a chance to feel it against my chest
MY son wasnt breathing so i never got to feel his breath upon my skin,
MY son's eyes were not open when he was born so i never got a chance to look at them
WHEN i got my FIRST hold of my son he wasn't warm, he was cold and lifeless, and heavy,
I never got a chance to take him home and tuck him in, i NEVER got the chance to leave the hospital with him,
Instead i recived a purple box, with a few photos and the doctors telling me "your still young you have plenty of time for more children"

So before you want to tell me to MOVE on and GET OVER it, how about you think of all that and JUST how LUCKY you really are,


Im really sorry if that is harsh or careless though i have had enough of people telling me to get over it, i will move on from Bryce when i am ready to,  and NOT when anyone tells me to