Deacan's surgery is coming up

Well Deacan's surgery is coming up, today is Saturday and his surgery is on Tuesday, I have the whole day off work for it, though if he is ok and is fine come the afternoon i am going to go in,

im a tad bit scared with it, though i know he will be fine as he is strong and is a fighter, though the number one thing that scared me was that the doctors said that because he has had a chest infection in the past 4 weeks there is a higher chance of him having a bronciolspasam (sorry about spelling) and that is what is scaring me the most,

Daniel and I are allowed to walk down he hall with him before he goes into surgery though i get really freaked out with it, and i dont want to stress Deacan out any more than what he is going to be,

I know that my hormones are going to be everywhere and then also seeing my little baby in pain and not being able to take the pain away is going to be hurtful as well, though the main thing is that he wont be in pain for long (a couple of days at the most) and the hospital will send him home on strong pain killers (for his age) though i will keep you all updated with what happens with it any how

Boys Party

Well its the boys party this weekend, its only 4 days away,
I dont even know who is coming anymore, considering everyone keeps putting out,
It really annoys me that people are now pulling out of it,
Everyone one has known about the party for over 3 months they have all said they are coming now things have happens and they have to pull out, because something has happened or they have to work ra ra ra its always something, Daniel and I make an effort to attend everything that we are invited to even with the kids though looks like people cant make an effort with us.... oh well at least i know where myself and my family stand..... from now on I'm not going to make an effort to attend anyone's crap now

OH MY GOSH

All i can say is WOW my sex drive has gone through the roof and i have no idea and i mean no idea why, its normally Daniel who is getting cranky at me because I dont want it or dont have the energy for it, though over the past couple of days it really feels like thats all i want, like Daniel and I Dtd the other night and wow like best night ever (well since the wedding night any how)

I really dont know why it has gone through the roof for, im not doing anything different than what i was a a week or 2 ago, like part of me wants Daniel to take the day off work so we can spend all day in the bedroom lol,

but any how thats all for now will chat more later

What a week

Well all i can say is what a week, it feels like it has been non stop,


First off on Sunday i had my confirmation so i was happy about that, now i am a member of the church and i also received the gift of the spirit as well, I have joined the church chore (not sure spelling is right) so i need to see my doctor about giving me some women injections to make sure my voice goes back up as the steroid injections have made it drop and crack lol


My weight is now 47kgs i am very happy about that, i am going to be either signing up to a gym so i can start getting fit or i will be going for runs, no not to loose weight though just to get fit so i can do everyday things with out getting puffed,  also because all the weight i have put on has gone straight to my stomach not that i mind though my tummy looks like i am 4 months pregnant lol,




Kids are going well Jason is talking so much more now also is getting into trouble a lot more as well, Deacan is just about walking wont be long now for him either, he is starting to walk around furniture, and is standing all the time, though we still haven't gotten him into a sleep routine yet, he just doesn't want to stay asleep so its making it hard on everyone,


On another note Daniel has Quit smoking as well i am so very proud of him, today will be his second day with out one, though today i have been 3 weeks without a smoke or coffee, really starting to miss the coffee now though, 


any way better goes it just about 7am and daniel still isnt out of bed he is going to be late for work, and he will prolly get angry at me for not waking him up though i told him if he didnt get up then it wasnt my fault that he was late for work,.


Any way i will talk again soon


Sarah xx

Very Bad day

Things have just gone from bad to worse today, I really should not of gotten out of bed

To start of with i was pregnant it really was not planned as much as anyone says it really wasnt, we were using condoms or pulling out, and before anyone says anything about pulling out as a birth control method we really though it was, though guessing not though i had my beta lvl done on Wednesday I was 13 DPO and i got the results back today they were only 15, he said that it should of been higher as i was showing up on normally pregnancy test, I also told him that i was bleeding and that it was bright red and passing quite large clotts he said that i was miscarrying and that there was no point doing another Beta,
I really dont know how to feel to be honest i am upset over it though shocked at the same time, and i just feel empty, I was really starting to warm up to the idea of being a mum again, and i think Daniel was starting to warm up to the idea of being a dad again as well,

I think daniel told him mum today that I lost the baby, im pretty sure she would be happy over it, as she called me the other day when i told her that i was pregnant and ripped into me, she wasnt happy about it at all, she told/sternly asked me to have an abortion and i turned around and said NO straight out, then she asked how i would feel if i miscarried, I told her if i was under 12 weeks i would be upset though I would be as sad about it as i was when we lost Bryce, though i said that if i lost the baby after the 12 weeks i would be very sad, she then said Well i hope you Miss.... i cut her off straight away with it and started to yell at her, as i knew she was going to say "well i hope you miscarriage then"  I was so angry i seen red

I was only 4 weeks according to Fertility Friend i had not even been for an ultrasound so i m not even sure though with my Beta level being low like it was i really dont think the pregnancy would of went any longer even if i done everything thing i could to stop it, besides what i had done, i didnt smoke or drink coffee i was also eating right and sleeping right as well i was really going to do everything that i could to make sure i made it to the 40 weeks


though now i really dont know how to feel.... i wouldnt mind trying again once these boys are older and are less needy, though i am pretty sure that Daniel will be getting the snip now,

also on another note besides all that happening today, I dropped my brand new phone and smashed the front of it so now i cant use it.... and its less than a week old..... so now i have to get another one added to my plan or get my old phone unlocked so i can put this sim card into it,

And wait there is more
Both the boys came home with snotty noses today from daycare, so thats just great, going ot have to keep a really good eye on them as they are prown to getting bronchitis and RSV from it, so i can see if jason starts having problems breathing it will be back up to the hospital to get him checked out so if jason has something Deacan more than likely has it to......



its 6.15pm and Daniel still isnt home from work he sent me a txt at about 6ish saying he still had not left work and its about an 1 1/2  trip back so just YAY


anyway thats it for now ill chat more later

One of those days

Well today has just been "one of those days"

My new phone got switched over today, so i have been trying to figure out how to use it, 

tried getting most of the house work done though that didnt happen lol,

Got a call from the daycare about Deacan they said he had a bad rash and that we needed to pick him up. we wasnt able to get him in to the doctor so instead we took him up to the hospital to get checked out we were up there for about 4 hours just to find out that it was just a Viral rash though i am glad its nothing major

oh and a whole lot of drama started today on the Fertility site that i am a member of,

they all took it upon themselves to think i was TTC  just becuase i have started to chart again, and becuase i went out and brought OPK's and HTP's i brought a lot of OPK's so i can try and pin point the day that i ovulate,  ao i know thats when daniel and i have to be EXTRA careful,

Oh and because our version of BC isnt up to others standards, either we use condoms or Daneil Pulls out either way we are fine,  though even after all that crap with having to defend myself for something i should not have to i still didnt go out for a smoke or have a coffee so I am very happy with that,

SO yeah basiclly with people who dont want drama they why do they cause it themselves for? on this topic of the board there is like 60+ replies to it, and instead of people acting like ADULTS they didnt come and talk to me about it, they had to start up a topic about it,

I very rarely go on that board any more, mainly cos i am to busy to sit there and read/reply to every post there, when i do go on and check whats been said i dont reply to a lot as i don't know what to say. though still why am i even bothering to to explain myself for???

Oh and i have my blog link in my signature on there, then they turn around and say that its jsut drama ra ra ra ra, i dont remember the EXACT words that they used though to be honest i cant be bothered going on there and seeing what they have wrote, cos then i will reply to it  and then add more fuel to the fire,

So Daniel knows that i am back on Fertility Friend and that i am Charting yet, not to sure if he knows that i have OPK's though he hasnt asked about it, if he does i will tell him why,

So besides all that happening today, i havent managed to get the house clean as i have the father in law and his daughter coming over tonight for tea and possible staying the night,

So i am trying to keep all the drama and negativity away from me there has been so much of it with in the past 3 years, i dont need more of it this year,

any how thats all for now,  will update all a bit later,

More than likely the girls from FF are reading this and going to start more crap though oh well

any how chat soon

Sarah xx

Cant do it

I honestly cant do this any more i really cant, i have had about enough
Im trying my hardest NOT to smoke or drink coffee or have any alcohol and i am doing very well, i have been with out or 2 days now,

I am going to get a ticker going so i can see just how long i have been with out,

Though yeah back to what i was saying,  Things between Daniel and i are really not good i am over it I know i keep bitching about it though at the moment i cant take it any more,
Daniel knew just how hard this was going to be for me, as i have smoked since year 7, i have drank coffee for as long as i can remember, so it was a really big thing for me to Quit,
though no he doesnt understand,
He couldnt even make it easy for me yesterday, like yeah he didnt smoke in my car, though he stopped and got me a V yesterday so i had some srt of Pick me up though he went and a got huge bottle of "Iced coffee" knowing that i couldnt drink it, then last night with tea he comes home with a coke for me (i very rarely drink coke) and he got another HUGE bottle of "iced coffee" it was like he was rubbing my nose in it.....

Today hasnt been to bad it has had its moments, i am trying to eat when ever i want a smoke, so with any luck i will pile on the weight (i'd be happy with that)

Though yeah with Daniel and i, i really don't think i am going to try any more i really dont see the point.... i have been trying for years though never got anything from it, in all honesty  i only think Daniel and i got back together because  of Deacan,  And maybe also because he would of had to pay a lot in child support for both boys.... I dont know really

I just dont care.....

Annoying Little Thing

Ok so this might sound very trivial though i have notice one little annoying thing with Daniel, 

He has to have the last word/say

I know that this is the least of our concerns and worries though it is really annoying and it really bugs me, it's nothing major or anything though when ever we are talking about life in general or the kids etc, what ever i say he has to have the last little bit, if i add anything onto his last little bit he adds more after and it can continue on like this until i leave it and walk away I know this might and does sound really selfish of me though it really gets under my skin, And its not just me he does it with its with everyone




I dont know how anyone else feels about this though it can get me feeling quite embarrassed when we go out of i have people over as its the same then as well

Q: Do you know anyone like this? And if so how do you deal with it?

2 more day

well its only 2 more day now until i give up Smokes Alcohol and Coffee, i havent had  a drink since Christmas my last drink before that was when Daniel and I had a weekend away and then before that was a couple of weeks before i found out i was pregnant with Deacan so giving up Alcohol wont be that bad/hard for me

the hardest bit will be the Coffee and Smokes, thought its well worth it, so come Monday there is nothing!!!!! i am so looking forward to it, its a small price to pay though well worth it in the end,

Had a visit from the missionaries today, it was good chatting to them and also learning about the 10 commandments and also the few commandments that the Church holds,
they told me good new today :) As long as i stop smoking when i do and Stop completely i can be baptized a week after that so i am so happy i will be a member of the Holland Park Chapter,

SO my Baptism is booked for the 11/2/11 at 4pm I'm scared though happy about it at the same time,  They said because its such a big step for me it would be good if my Family could be there for it, though i can see Daniel wont be able to get the time off work plus he wont just for that any way, I will have the boys with me so Sister Preston will be able to give me a hand with them, I dont want to ask Peter if he would mind coming as i know he wont know what time he will finish work and plus he would of been on his feet all day
though i will make sure i take the camera to get some photos,

I know this doesnt mean anything to most people though it has a lot of meaning to me and i really want to do this,

I have Church tomorrow kinda scared about that, though it needs to be done, Sister Preston is letting me go with her and her family so i wont be alone for that, and i will have the missionaries there for support as well,

well that is it for now
Untill next time
Sarah xx

About to explode

I swear i am about to explode, the kids are really getting to me as of late, they are both being so defiant and naughty, Between the tantrums and screaming i honestly dont know how much more i can take before i flip out


This have really been getting to me my emotions are everywhere same as my hormones i am always tired though medically there is nothing wrong with me,
The doctor has put me on new anti depressants i have been taking them for about a week now so i hope these ones help,

My weight has finally gone up i am now 42.9kgs i am really happy about that as for the last 3 weeks when i had my weigh in i had lost weight all 3 times,

Daniel and I are still not seeing eye to eye and with that i have NO IDEA what to do, half of me thinks it would be better if he left and it was jsut the boys and I and the other half wants me to keep giving him chances

I just want to cry, i am really no handling this

My home buisness isnt doing to good i really thought that it would though i guess that was just money down the drain incase you dont know what i am talking about CLICK HERE


I really hope this all ends soon i really do

What to do

Ever been stuck between a rock and a hard place before??
It feels as though i have been stuck there for a very long time now, and dont know what to do to get out, Its a catch 22 i guess, so how do you know if the choice you need to make is the right one or not,?
There is never an easy answer,

Things between Daniel and I are so so, they are not great though i guess they are not crap either,
We hardly talk to each other any more now

I guess the question is would it be better if daniel stays here or should i ask him to leave until he gets himself sorted and seeks help for the things that he needs help with

Need to Vent... Need to Cry

So much is going on right no its unbelievable, We are in one of the biggest disasters that i know of here in Queensland, we are going through a massive flood, People overseas dont really know just how bad it is, though when you tell them that the amount of land that is under water is basically the same land mass of Germany and France put together they then start to get a rough idea, so many lives have been lost and there are still so many more people missing, I really do hope they end up being found alive and ok, though the more time goes by the more chances of that is becoming more grim, people have lost their homes and all their belongings people have lost their source of income and now have to worry about how they are going to feed their families and how they are going to live... so what i am about to vent/write about it really going to sound so very very selfish though i need to get it out, and here in my blog i know i can write what i need to and get out what i need to

I know there is a saying out there something along the lines of "be grateful for what you have as there are people out there worse of than you"

Any yeah i am very and i mean VERY grateful that we still have our home, i still have my family as none of them were lost or missing, we still have food in the cupboards it might not be much food though we still at least have some.... so after saying all of that what i am about to say/write is going to sound down right selfish and disrespectful to all though as i said i need to get it out and vent and get it off my chest and her ei know i can write whats on my mind and in my heart

i really dont know where to begin or how to start it so i am really sorry
though please bare with me as i just write everything down and get it all out

Thing have been really tough for Daniel the boys and I  mostly the one thing that really stresses us out is money
on Tuesday when the flooding began i lost my job, like yeah the pay wasnt to crash hot though at least it was some extra money coming in where we would be able to do a good food shop get bills paid etc , most of our problems started before Christmas as work said for me not to come in for the last week before Christmas and work was shutting down for 2 weeks over the break so that was 3 weeks that i wouldnt get paid for and we cant survive just off Daniels income, so you could guess it was  a very bleek Christmas, i had my family around so that was the main thing,
Daniel and I were only just able to put food on the table for the boys that was only after ebing able to borrow $200 per week for the 3 weeks off Daniels mum Jill and i am grateful for that

My weight if a very big problem now as most of you know i suffer from an eating disorder/s i have done since i was 18, Anorexia and bulimia  I thought i was over it all up until we lost our son Bryce when i was 21, my weight started to drop after that i guess you could say because my weight was the only thing that i was in control of, and at that time i needed to be in control of something as my whole world had come crashing down, though with all the stress that has been going on here my weight has dropped yet again, now to the point i can not put it on doesnt matter how hard i try nothing is seeming to work, the steroid that i am taking are keeping my weight stable though they are not helping me put it on, I guess to because i am not eating enough, I know i am not used to eating  3 meals a day plus snacks in between i try to eat as much as i can though now every time i eat now all i feel like doing is throwing up, i had the choice today to be admitted into hospital to help gut my weight up as i am now down to 42.1kgs, I know i dont eat that much here at home as i really dont know how long the food will last and i wont let Daniel or the boys go with out i would prefer to starve then to make them not eat

We are about to get out power disconnected as we havent paid our bill as it was due around Christmas time, and at that stage i had not been working so money was tight and food for my children was more important, i called them today to organize a payment plan and explained to them that i had just lost my job and that money was really tight, and that over the Christmas period i wasnt working and to be honest putting food on the table for my kids was more important i told them that we could really only afford to pay $20 off per week though he said that we have to pay $75 per fortnight, and asked if that was ok or would i like to pay more, i told him we couldnt even afford that though we are going to have to come up with the money some how, Also on top of that my mobile is about to go as well for the same reasons, Plus with rego coming up as well thing are just getting worse and worse, Im  finding it hard to get a job again, as with the floods etc its alot harder,
so i am scared that we are not going to be able to put food on the table for the kids and we are going to have no power etc,

As i said right at the start that i know there are people worse off than us though i really had to get this out, i am sorry if i sound selfish as mud i really am

So Tired

I am so so so so so tired this morning
I havent been sleeping well for the past week i keep waking up during the night and finding it hard to get back to sleep,
though last night started off good, i went to bed at 8pm and i didn't wake up until Daniel started to give me a back rub cos he woke up horny,

So i done the good wife thing and gave him sex even though i didn't want it, then it took me forever to get back to sleep, mind you its 1am at this point (when he woke me up) then deacan started on and off though i didnt go in and get him up cos he was just whining though he got up at 4am though fell back asleep on his bottle

I think today after i drop the kids at daycare i will come home and go back to bed..... or ill do the house work, then sleep

Daniel & I

Well i guess this post has been a long time coming

things are just getting way out of hand and i just cant take it any more, the more i keep it inside the more angry and upset i get,

Things with daniel and i have been up and down for a very long time, from the death of our son to the birth of Deacan we have been through so much, we have separated for about 6 or so months we have made up things have been great and things have been hell,

there is no real big thing causing problems its a lot of little things, i am constantly the one who does the majority of things, like house work cook etc, and yes before October i wasnt working so i didnt mind doing it all though now i am working, i have 2 hours a day to get everything clean before i need to go to work then most days i dont get home to about 7pm if not later, then come the weekends i spend cleaning looking after the boys and maybe have a nap during the day as i am so tired,
Our biggest problem at the moment is the computer the majority of Daniels time where he isn't at work is spent on the computer i know that he goes on there to unwind and chill out though it shouldn't been all the time, like yes i spend a bit of time on the computer though i also do house work and tend to the boys and other stuff as well and it isn't like i just sit on it i get up move around play with the kids etc, though if daniel had it his way it would just sit on there and not move, the only real reason he gets off it most days is to get a drink or get something to eat or go to the bathroom or go for a smoke, thats it, his days routine is Get up, go to the toilet, turn the computer on, go for a smoke then sit on the computer, get ready for work, leave for work, spend all day at work on the computer come home turn his computer on have a smoke, sit on the computer until tea is ready eat tea hop back on the computer then stay there until i go to bed, and if deacan is still up he tends to deacan though mostly sits on the computer,
Daniel has quite often told me how he hates being so over weight though yet does nothing about it, i try not to buy munchy food in the shopping or coke or anything like that so he doesn't have it though then Jason and myself have to go with out, It seems like a major effort to get him to do any type of physical activity like play with the boys where they get his full attention, mow the lawn, or the house work,
Like yesterday for example he broke out into a massive sweat just from sweeping the front patio, the only reason why he done that was because his boss was coming over so he decided to help out a bit,
Daniel has signed up to the gym he was going like 3 to 5 days a week, then stopped once he had jason for 10 weeks straight while i was in hospital, though now that we are all back here, he told me that he was going to start going again, that was months ago, we are paying money paying for gym fees that we can not afford and he isnt even going there,

I can see the way that Daniel is going he is going to put himself into an early grave and i dont want that i love Daniel and i want our kids to have their father around though the way he is going he wont be around for long, every time i try to talk to Daniel about all this either he changes subject or we get into a massive fight about it, so i just don't bother any more, i really dont know what to do any more i cant sit here and watch him slowly killing himself, i dont want the kids to loose their father though i dont want to loose my husband,  i have thought about entering daniel into the biggest looser though i can see he wouldn't do it and health wise i don't think he would be able to do it,

I think the biggest thing with all our problems and with him being so lazy is that he just doesnt have the energy or the care to do anything and i really do think that most of that comes from being over weight i have always told daniel that i will stand by him 110% and back him with what ever he wants to do, though i am not going to back him with him slowly killing himself, you can lead a horse to water though you cant make it drink it......

I really dont know what to do anymore :(

2011 bring it on

All I can say is bring on 2011

All i want to do is bring on the new year, with any luck it has to be better than this one, I know there are people worse off out there than me though this year has been one hell of a year and by the looks of it, it isnt going to end well :(

I really dont know what to do any more or just how much more of anything i can take,

The kids are ok they are just being kids, demanding and much more needy at the moment, and they just want more than what i can give,I spend lost of time with Jason and Deacan a lot of one on one time and a lot of group play with them, though it just seems like its not enough for them, they just keep draining me, i know its just a child thing and its part and parcel of having children, its just draining thats all

Work is going good, though i am going to start looking for a full time job instead of the casual job that i have that way if i need to have time off because the children are sick or because I am i know that i will still get paid for it, though work to has its moments as well, i am meant to get 1 sale per hour that i work, though with leading up to Christmas people just didnt want to do it, knowing to well that it would void their warranty,  though i am hoping that the new year people will want to do it so i dont loose my job, i have asked my father in law to pass the word around and to get people to give me a call if they want something done and to ask for me specially and gave him the hours that i work so if they do call and want to book something in i get it and not one of the other girls,and also so it looks good on me because i am keeping up with my KPI's I really dont mind the work that i do it is as hard as you want to make it and as easy as you want to make it,

As for Daniel and I thats a whole different entry that i will make later,

so much has happened in 2010 i just want it to be over with like yeah good stuff has happened like the birth of beautiful Deacan, Jason starting to walk and grow up now, i am very grateful that both the boys are still here as we have had our ups and downs with them and there has been quite a few very close calls for them

though all i can say is bring on 2011 

Asking to much?

Well i guess i am asking to much i think.

Im sick of our house looking like a pig sty, all i am ever seeming to do is clean, i get it half way nice and clean then the kids come home and its not dirty though just becomes untidy,
I guess it would be to much to ask to get Daniels help hey??? like yeah i do understand that he works 5 days a week from about 8am to about 6pm, though i work to i might not do the hours that he does, though i work from 12 to 6pm monday to thursday then from 12 to 5pm on friday, i get up early to the boys some morning its around 4am, i get them ready for daycare, leave at about 6.30 dont get home to around 8ish, then that gives me 2 hours to get the place clean again, bottles toys picked up vacuuming dishes and washing then i get ready for work at 10 then leave at 11am, so come a weekend or before he goes to work it would be nice if i had a bit of a hand
He honestly wonders why i get so tired and why i go to bed early when i can or have a nap during the day on the weekend, though after doing everything and dealing with the kids on the weekend i am truly stuffed, come some days i am just that tired i cant be bothered cooking tea, so it would be nice if tea was cooked for me, Yes i understand that daniel is tired as well, as he stays up most nights to about 10.30-11pm, just incase Deacan wakes back up,though i am still up early of a morning, i dont know i guess i am just asking to much, most nights all he does is sit on the computer and play his games and thats it,i really dont know any more

Q

Am i asking to much?? Does your partner help you out?

Steroids

I had my first steroid injection last week to help me put on weight, the doctor and i have tried everything to help me gain weight though nothing has been working, everyone has been telling me to have shakes etc, though they don't seem to realize that Daniel and i don't have the money for them just to see if they work, the doctor put me on the scales and i am down to 41.9kgs i go back in on Wednesday to get my second one also to get weighed in again, though he said that if my weight keeps coming off that he will have no choice but to admit me into hospital until i gain the weight, if these steroid injections are working i will only be on them for 6 months,, i am only on the minimum dose at the moment so if my weight has stayed the same and i haven't gained any it will be getting increased 

So much to do/ Over it

There is so much that i need to do today and i REALLY cant see it happening,
I need to go and do shopping so the boys have their food, i need to read/study all the reading material that my new work has given me, as i have a 3 day trial starting as of tomorrow, i need to do the house work, wash Daniels work clothes plus make sure i have work clothes tomorrow, as soon as i go to sit and start reading the stuff for work one of the boys start, so of course i have to put it down and tend to them,
I was ment to start reading it on Friday, though after my doctors appointment and sitting at the doctors for 1 1/2 hours waiting for things to stat happening i wasn't in the mood/ right mind set to read/ learn

Its been 2 days now and Daniel still hasn't asked how the doctors went, and how my results went, he said to my father in law Peter that i haven't said anything to him about it, like i really want to come out and say that i had to have a termination, considering i didn't really want to have one,though i done what was best for my family at the time, as i could see if i kept the baby, i would be raising 3 children under 3 on my own, and i wouldn't be able to do that as i don't have the support that i need for it, I can see that a lot of people are now going to judge me for it, though you know what go a head and do it, I done what was right for my family and for me,
the worse thing about it is i really don't have the support i need now, after going and doing the one thing i am really against, its easy for people to sit there and judge and ridicule, though i now need to live with this for the rest of my life, and to be honest its not going to be easy, it wasn't easy for me to do it in the first place, so go a head throw your worst at me i really couldnt give to shits to be honest 

how much more?

Well so much for things changing hey??? yeah right... they did for a week or so now things are back to the same old normal
like dont get me wrong im not expecting daniel to do everything around the house,  as he goes to work 5 days a week, though possibly help me out on the weekend, or maybe cooking dinner during the week or something, though its like i am expected to do everything keep the house clean, take the boys to and from daycare/appointments, im doing my best looking for work, so i am going to interviews as well, managing the bills doing the food shopping etc, plus on top of that getting up several times during the night/morning to deacan, so most nights after doing all this i dont have the energy to cook tea, plus i also dont no what time daniel is going to be home, as it ranges from 6 to 7.30,
though the thing i dont get is how hard is it to spend some good one on one time with your kids?
he goes to work, spend 8 or so hours in front of a computer then comes home and sits on it all night on it then its the same on the weekend, like yeah i do sit on the computer though i do also spend a lot of one on one time with the kids,
Jason is so clingy towards me now and hardly wants anything to do with Daniel, i dont know if thats cos i spend time with him or not,

Everything is just starting to get to much, i really cant to much more of it, i dont feel like a wife any more i feel like a made or just a convenience

Bitter Sweet

So tomorrow is a very bitter sweet day, a day that i should be happy though i can see that most of it i will be in tears, Tomorrow is Daniel and I's 3rd year wedding anniversary that is the sweet part, though the bitter part is that it was the night that our sweet little angel Bryce was conceived so there will be happy thoughts and sad thoughts,

Daniel and I have been through so much in the past 3 years it feels like we have already lived a life time

I really know that it should be a happy day though even thinking about it no it really upsets me to the point there are tears,