Well i guess this post has been a long time coming
things are just getting way out of hand and i just cant take it any more, the more i keep it inside the more angry and upset i get,
Things with daniel and i have been up and down for a very long time, from the death of our son to the birth of Deacan we have been through so much, we have separated for about 6 or so months we have made up things have been great and things have been hell,
there is no real big thing causing problems its a lot of little things, i am constantly the one who does the majority of things, like house work cook etc, and yes before October i wasnt working so i didnt mind doing it all though now i am working, i have 2 hours a day to get everything clean before i need to go to work then most days i dont get home to about 7pm if not later, then come the weekends i spend cleaning looking after the boys and maybe have a nap during the day as i am so tired,
Our biggest problem at the moment is the computer the majority of Daniels time where he isn't at work is spent on the computer i know that he goes on there to unwind and chill out though it shouldn't been all the time, like yes i spend a bit of time on the computer though i also do house work and tend to the boys and other stuff as well and it isn't like i just sit on it i get up move around play with the kids etc, though if daniel had it his way it would just sit on there and not move, the only real reason he gets off it most days is to get a drink or get something to eat or go to the bathroom or go for a smoke, thats it, his days routine is Get up, go to the toilet, turn the computer on, go for a smoke then sit on the computer, get ready for work, leave for work, spend all day at work on the computer come home turn his computer on have a smoke, sit on the computer until tea is ready eat tea hop back on the computer then stay there until i go to bed, and if deacan is still up he tends to deacan though mostly sits on the computer,
Daniel has quite often told me how he hates being so over weight though yet does nothing about it, i try not to buy munchy food in the shopping or coke or anything like that so he doesn't have it though then Jason and myself have to go with out, It seems like a major effort to get him to do any type of physical activity like play with the boys where they get his full attention, mow the lawn, or the house work,
Like yesterday for example he broke out into a massive sweat just from sweeping the front patio, the only reason why he done that was because his boss was coming over so he decided to help out a bit,
Daniel has signed up to the gym he was going like 3 to 5 days a week, then stopped once he had jason for 10 weeks straight while i was in hospital, though now that we are all back here, he told me that he was going to start going again, that was months ago, we are paying money paying for gym fees that we can not afford and he isnt even going there,
I can see the way that Daniel is going he is going to put himself into an early grave and i dont want that i love Daniel and i want our kids to have their father around though the way he is going he wont be around for long, every time i try to talk to Daniel about all this either he changes subject or we get into a massive fight about it, so i just don't bother any more, i really dont know what to do any more i cant sit here and watch him slowly killing himself, i dont want the kids to loose their father though i dont want to loose my husband, i have thought about entering daniel into the biggest looser though i can see he wouldn't do it and health wise i don't think he would be able to do it,
I think the biggest thing with all our problems and with him being so lazy is that he just doesnt have the energy or the care to do anything and i really do think that most of that comes from being over weight i have always told daniel that i will stand by him 110% and back him with what ever he wants to do, though i am not going to back him with him slowly killing himself, you can lead a horse to water though you cant make it drink it......
I really dont know what to do anymore :(
Hunni, coming from someone who is overweight and trying to lose weight, i can honestly say the last person u want to get advice about losing weight from is someone ur close to that has never had an overweight problem. It needs to be something that HE wants – he’s not going to want to talk about it with you, as u are a skinny person who needs to put it on, not lose it. Maybe just continue buying healthy food so that he’s eating the right things and not loading up on too many carbs, salts and sugars. I guess if u really want to indulge in those things then maybe get them when he’s at work, etc. The kids don’t need too much of them either, esp with 1 parent that has a weight issue. I know it’s something i need to watch with my kids, esp Xavier who has 2 overweight parents.
ReplyDeleteBe supportive, try and plan some family activities that are outside the house. The more he’s inside and around that computer, it’s an addiction thats hard to ignore. Like i’ve said before, it’s easier for us mothers to realise the kids need quality time, the cleaning needs to be done, etc but men just think it can wait. They don’t think like us.
You guys really need to sit down and talk tho hun, only you 2 can fix the problems between you and only Daniel can fix his weight problems. Just cuz he says he hates being overweight doesn’t mean he necessarily has the motivation to make it happen. Esp if someone is on his case about it all the time. Be supportive without being pushy. *hugs*
xxx