Jason has his Heart appointment on the 20th i am so scared for the little guy, if his hole in his heart hasnt closed up he has to go for heart surgery, they will check his groind while he is there to see if they can go that way, though if they cant they will be doing open heart surgery,
I asked a firend about it as he had to have it and he said the only thing if Jasons favor is that he is young, though there is so many risks for it,
He can have a heart attack an anurisem (sp), a stroke, an arrest (as they have to stop his hear to work on it)
Im so scared i no he is a tough little man, though he has already had to fight to be here i dont know what i would do if we lost him.... and the worse thing is he has to have the surgery if it hasnt closed, its not something that we can just leave and hope if you know what i mean,
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Why?
I have been wanting to post this for a while and every time i think about what i am going to write i end up crying, though i have been often wondering WHY about alot of things,
am finding myself wondering why did god have to take my son away? why did he think he had the right to? Why did he think that Bryce was better of with him then 2 loving parents? and why did he almost take my life as well?
I miss him so much i want him to be here with us not in some box in the ground, its just not fair, the doctors can not give us any answers still to this day just under 2 1/2 years later and we are none the wiser all we were told is "its just one of those things that happen" and " that it doesn't happen to that many people i'm sorry though you are just one of those unfortunate people" Right yeah ok like that answers a hell of a lot,
People tell me that i should just get over it and be thankful for the 2 little ones i have now, and i am grateful for them i really am, though i should have 3 children home with me not 2,
Why do i keep forgetting him for? i forget what his skin felt like what it was like to hold him what it was like to dress him and hold him so close to me, Why did i have to give him back to the nurses to take away Why couldnt i bring myself to hold him more for and look at him more,
Why did i put off going to the hospital for? maybe this could of all been prevented, Why didnt i go for, Why didnt i make the nurses listen to me when i called them, why did i take their advice and not go in then and there, Why did my body have to reject him for?
I want answers but i guess i am never going to get them....
all i can do is sit here and wonder why...............
am finding myself wondering why did god have to take my son away? why did he think he had the right to? Why did he think that Bryce was better of with him then 2 loving parents? and why did he almost take my life as well?
I miss him so much i want him to be here with us not in some box in the ground, its just not fair, the doctors can not give us any answers still to this day just under 2 1/2 years later and we are none the wiser all we were told is "its just one of those things that happen" and " that it doesn't happen to that many people i'm sorry though you are just one of those unfortunate people" Right yeah ok like that answers a hell of a lot,
People tell me that i should just get over it and be thankful for the 2 little ones i have now, and i am grateful for them i really am, though i should have 3 children home with me not 2,
Why do i keep forgetting him for? i forget what his skin felt like what it was like to hold him what it was like to dress him and hold him so close to me, Why did i have to give him back to the nurses to take away Why couldnt i bring myself to hold him more for and look at him more,
Why did i put off going to the hospital for? maybe this could of all been prevented, Why didnt i go for, Why didnt i make the nurses listen to me when i called them, why did i take their advice and not go in then and there, Why did my body have to reject him for?
I want answers but i guess i am never going to get them....
all i can do is sit here and wonder why...............
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Thinking about things
Well i have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and i can honestly say after everything i have been through in the past 2 1/2 years to come out still in one piece and sane that i can do anything and accomplish anything,
after loosing a child and almost loosing my life after being married for only 23 weeks, to have a micro prem that we nearly lost several times and who spent 88 days in hospital, then to almost loose another child due to early labor, though spending 10 weeks straight in hospital with hardley ANY visits from any friends or family let alone my son, then to go though labor ALL on my own WITH OUT drugs and still come out on top with a LOVING husband, 2 gorgeous boys, and 1 little angel watching over us to make sure no harm comes to us i must be one of the most luckiest people on the planet,
As they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, though for all my CLOSE friends out there and the ones who have been there when i really needed it a big thank you to you all,
after loosing a child and almost loosing my life after being married for only 23 weeks, to have a micro prem that we nearly lost several times and who spent 88 days in hospital, then to almost loose another child due to early labor, though spending 10 weeks straight in hospital with hardley ANY visits from any friends or family let alone my son, then to go though labor ALL on my own WITH OUT drugs and still come out on top with a LOVING husband, 2 gorgeous boys, and 1 little angel watching over us to make sure no harm comes to us i must be one of the most luckiest people on the planet,
As they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, though for all my CLOSE friends out there and the ones who have been there when i really needed it a big thank you to you all,
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Amusing
I find it quite amusing and ironic that people tell me how i should be raising my kids, and what i am doing wrong and how my kids should be acting and what they should be doing,
Like yeah Jason is behind other kids his age though you no what HE WAS PREM, Jason is classed as a micro prem as he was 15 weeks premature, he is doing a great job with what he is doing, considering he shouldn't even be here though yeah im not doing a good enough job, People only seem to notice the things that Jason isnt doing they never seem to notice the things that he IS doing, we do our best, we really do, he is doing get and coming along nicely like yeah he isnt walking yet though wont be long until he is, He is still having alot of bottles during the day though i know 2 year olds and 3 year olds that still have a lot of bottles during the day, Yeah he isnt eating proper food yeah (really chunky food), yeah that ones is my fault as when he was young he would choke on his food so i didnt want push him with it so he stayed on puree foods, after loosing a child, then your next child shouldnt be with you as they should not of made it you tend to be quite mothering and wrap them up in cotton wool though yeah that ones my fault, though now he is getting more teeth he is eating a lot better,
People really need to practice what they preach they really do... like yeah Jason is a bit of a handful, though how about instead of criticizing my parenting how about they look at their own, im not the only one with unruly kids god no one is perfect,
We have learnt with what we have dont wrong with Jason so we are not making the same mistakes with Deacan, though you show me a perfict mother or father and i will show you a lier, no child is born with a hand book so suck it up and get off my back, we do the best we can,
Until anyone else has a micro prem and can bring them up to speed with other kids their age at the same time then yeah you can tell me what to do, though for all you that dont get the hell off my back
Like yeah Jason is behind other kids his age though you no what HE WAS PREM, Jason is classed as a micro prem as he was 15 weeks premature, he is doing a great job with what he is doing, considering he shouldn't even be here though yeah im not doing a good enough job, People only seem to notice the things that Jason isnt doing they never seem to notice the things that he IS doing, we do our best, we really do, he is doing get and coming along nicely like yeah he isnt walking yet though wont be long until he is, He is still having alot of bottles during the day though i know 2 year olds and 3 year olds that still have a lot of bottles during the day, Yeah he isnt eating proper food yeah (really chunky food), yeah that ones is my fault as when he was young he would choke on his food so i didnt want push him with it so he stayed on puree foods, after loosing a child, then your next child shouldnt be with you as they should not of made it you tend to be quite mothering and wrap them up in cotton wool though yeah that ones my fault, though now he is getting more teeth he is eating a lot better,
People really need to practice what they preach they really do... like yeah Jason is a bit of a handful, though how about instead of criticizing my parenting how about they look at their own, im not the only one with unruly kids god no one is perfect,
We have learnt with what we have dont wrong with Jason so we are not making the same mistakes with Deacan, though you show me a perfict mother or father and i will show you a lier, no child is born with a hand book so suck it up and get off my back, we do the best we can,
Until anyone else has a micro prem and can bring them up to speed with other kids their age at the same time then yeah you can tell me what to do, though for all you that dont get the hell off my back
House of nappies
If anyone is interested i was given some info at daycare about a please that does bulk nappies House Of Nappies just thought i would share with all you mums out there
car
Im so happy i get my car back sometime next week i so cant wait,
Its been stuck at the mechanic though he has fixed it now
and told us this was wrong
injectors were all dirty (one wasnt working and one was only working 40%)
2 censors were not working
Gasket had gone
Oil leak had caused the timing belt to go so that needed to be replaced
this is what we replaced before it went into the mechanic
all 4 spark plugs
leads
both fuel filters
so all up i have already spent just over $200 on replacing parts
then with the mechanic its going to cos $730
so all up we are looking at just under $1000
Its been stuck at the mechanic though he has fixed it now
and told us this was wrong
injectors were all dirty (one wasnt working and one was only working 40%)
2 censors were not working
Gasket had gone
Oil leak had caused the timing belt to go so that needed to be replaced
this is what we replaced before it went into the mechanic
all 4 spark plugs
leads
both fuel filters
so all up i have already spent just over $200 on replacing parts
then with the mechanic its going to cos $730
so all up we are looking at just under $1000
Thursday, September 2, 2010
eBay
SO i am finding it alot easier to sell things on eBay, then what it is to have a garage sale though we have so many things that need to go i need to clear out the spare room for Deacan i am starting to think about putting the collection i have of teddies up im sure they will go with out a problem, there is just so much stuff that Daniel and I have that we no longer need or use,
Q.. What has your eBay experience been like? and what have you been on there to find?
Q.. What has your eBay experience been like? and what have you been on there to find?
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