Christmas Wish

I find that around the christmas time, that people turn very selfish and its all about getting gifts and who spent more on who and all that bull,

I have one christmas wish one gift that i want, one gift i know i will never get

My one wish/gift that i would love to have is to have my son back

though you wont see me throwing a tatrum because i know that wont be what i will get
though i will make sure that a candle shines brightly for him on the day, i might not have him in may arms like i want though he will be in my heart, i will have his photo shown off with pride  he is still part of the family dead or alive,
Bryce is our angle on our tree, we dont need know star we dont need no fake plastic angel as god is hold our angel for us and keeping him safe, im sure on christmas instead of holding him i will feel his wings wrapped around me instead


My Christmas Wish,......

Always wanted

I dont know why i never have though i have always wanted to get things with Bryce's name on it though when i look at things with peoples names on it, i can never find his name,

Maybe that is a sign, 

i dont know really, maybe Bryce doesn't want me to have things around with his name, as i know i will see them and i would get up set though i really feel like he is starting to fade in the background,

Maybe i am just thinking to much into it

Q,

Have you ever brought anything with your angels name on it? what did you get and how does it make you feel to look at it

Weight Gain

I had a doctors appointment today, all went well i jumped on the scales and i am now 42.3kgs last week i was only 41.9kgs i have had a weight gain of 400g i know it isnt much though its better than nothing, so i got my second steroid injection and now i go back in 2 weeks for another and also another weigh in

Steroids

I had my first steroid injection last week to help me put on weight, the doctor and i have tried everything to help me gain weight though nothing has been working, everyone has been telling me to have shakes etc, though they don't seem to realize that Daniel and i don't have the money for them just to see if they work, the doctor put me on the scales and i am down to 41.9kgs i go back in on Wednesday to get my second one also to get weighed in again, though he said that if my weight keeps coming off that he will have no choice but to admit me into hospital until i gain the weight, if these steroid injections are working i will only be on them for 6 months,, i am only on the minimum dose at the moment so if my weight has stayed the same and i haven't gained any it will be getting increased 

Study

Im thinking about doing some sort of study in between work and what not one that i can do online or at home at my own pace, something that will look good on my resume  or help me in getting a better job though i really dont know what to do and also the cost of it all, does anyone have any suggestions?

Drama

LMFAO!!!!!!!! Im sorry i just find it amusing how people like to cause drama/crap like seriously, 
Long story short, some shit has happened on another friends facebook page, a post was made to me by another person,
here is the post i have left names out as it doesnt need to be put it 

This comment is for SARAH ATKINSON " WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT " you can not have depo shots once a month, it is only 3 monthly shots , most of the time your period stops or you bleed all the time , so not a chance of you getting pregs again, you have weight gain, loss of sexual desire, depression , headaches and loads more... side effects. I have been on depo shots now since feb and hate it , and have looked up a site all about depo shots to find out more info about it and what it does to your body. WAKE UP TO YOUR SELF GIRL .

Like really??? why even bother posting it on someone else's facebook page? why not just post it on my or send it as a message? i'm sorry i know you all dont need to see this though i find it funny i really do, last time i checked we were all adults not little children,

Though another thing i find funny is how its so unbelivable that my doctor was giving me the injection every month instead of every 3 months, he wanted to speed it up,
speed what up you ask?  to hurry up and make it so the egg couldnt embed its self and also because i was having problems with bleeding so he thought if i got it sooner rather than later it would dry the bleeding up also placing me on these little white tablets as well to stop the bleeding,

Though i guess i am just a "drama queen" or a "Hypochondriac"  or a "Lier" or what ever you want to call it, because there was no way for me to be pregnant even through the injection was out of my system, YES the Ultrasound didn't show i was pregnant though the full blood work that he had done did, so for someone who ISN'T pregnant why would they have a beta or hcg level of 63???? though thats right i wasnt....
and as for my medical records being as thick as an encyclopedia LOL   it might surprise you i havent been to the docotrs that much it has mainly been for my children, though i'm guess you know best once again i am wrong,

To be honest I really couldnt give two shits if this gets back to the poster, i really couldnt, as i dont have to explain myself to any one, let alone lie about anything,

Its just funny that people cant come to you if they have a problem with you they have to drag someone else into it, so now unfortunately my friend is now in the middle of it when it had nothing to do with her at all, though i am wondering how the poster found out about all of this considering i dont talk to them, let alone they don't have access to my facebook page as its private though oh well ill just continue to laugh about it, cos really that's all you can do in an instance like this LOL LOL LOL LOL

So much to do/ Over it

There is so much that i need to do today and i REALLY cant see it happening,
I need to go and do shopping so the boys have their food, i need to read/study all the reading material that my new work has given me, as i have a 3 day trial starting as of tomorrow, i need to do the house work, wash Daniels work clothes plus make sure i have work clothes tomorrow, as soon as i go to sit and start reading the stuff for work one of the boys start, so of course i have to put it down and tend to them,
I was ment to start reading it on Friday, though after my doctors appointment and sitting at the doctors for 1 1/2 hours waiting for things to stat happening i wasn't in the mood/ right mind set to read/ learn

Its been 2 days now and Daniel still hasn't asked how the doctors went, and how my results went, he said to my father in law Peter that i haven't said anything to him about it, like i really want to come out and say that i had to have a termination, considering i didn't really want to have one,though i done what was best for my family at the time, as i could see if i kept the baby, i would be raising 3 children under 3 on my own, and i wouldn't be able to do that as i don't have the support that i need for it, I can see that a lot of people are now going to judge me for it, though you know what go a head and do it, I done what was right for my family and for me,
the worse thing about it is i really don't have the support i need now, after going and doing the one thing i am really against, its easy for people to sit there and judge and ridicule, though i now need to live with this for the rest of my life, and to be honest its not going to be easy, it wasn't easy for me to do it in the first place, so go a head throw your worst at me i really couldnt give to shits to be honest