Cant do it

I honestly cant do this any more i really cant, i have had about enough
Im trying my hardest NOT to smoke or drink coffee or have any alcohol and i am doing very well, i have been with out or 2 days now,

I am going to get a ticker going so i can see just how long i have been with out,

Though yeah back to what i was saying,  Things between Daniel and i are really not good i am over it I know i keep bitching about it though at the moment i cant take it any more,
Daniel knew just how hard this was going to be for me, as i have smoked since year 7, i have drank coffee for as long as i can remember, so it was a really big thing for me to Quit,
though no he doesnt understand,
He couldnt even make it easy for me yesterday, like yeah he didnt smoke in my car, though he stopped and got me a V yesterday so i had some srt of Pick me up though he went and a got huge bottle of "Iced coffee" knowing that i couldnt drink it, then last night with tea he comes home with a coke for me (i very rarely drink coke) and he got another HUGE bottle of "iced coffee" it was like he was rubbing my nose in it.....

Today hasnt been to bad it has had its moments, i am trying to eat when ever i want a smoke, so with any luck i will pile on the weight (i'd be happy with that)

Though yeah with Daniel and i, i really don't think i am going to try any more i really dont see the point.... i have been trying for years though never got anything from it, in all honesty  i only think Daniel and i got back together because  of Deacan,  And maybe also because he would of had to pay a lot in child support for both boys.... I dont know really

I just dont care.....

Isnt It Funny

Now im not to sure if people are going to understand where i am coming from or yet even what i mean by this post,
Though you know when you listen to a song and then you can say that song so suits me at the moment,

The song i have been listening to and have been for a while is kenny rogers "Buy Me A Rose"

"Buy Me A Rose"

He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
A three car garage, her own credit cards
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss good night
If he could only read her mind, she'd say:

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

Now the days have grown to years of feeling all alone
And she can't help but wonder what she's doing wrong
Cause lately she'd try anything to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said:

Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives the more that he sees
This is a story of you and me

So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
Cause I'm gonna make things right
For the rest of your life
I'm gonna hold you tonight
Do all those little things
For the rest of your life.

I really feel that this song suits me at the moment  the one bit that really stands out is

Now the days have grown to years of feeling all alone
And she can't help but wonder what she's doing wrong
Cause lately she'd try anything to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said:

I guess part of me isnt happy, I haven't been happy for years,
though yeah there isnt anything anyone can do about it, its no one elses problem, its a two way street, and i am seriously sick of being the only who one who tries or cares,

So know i just give up, i'll just keeping living each day though im not going to try any more, i guess they say living each day or just passing through the motions,

Day 1 No Smokes No Coffee Morning to afternoon

Well i have done it its now 2.39 pm and i have not had 1 coffee of smoke today,
I havent found it to bad today, just trying to keep myself busy,
Getting the boys to daycare this morning was stressful, I kept getting red lights and stuck in traffic,
the missionaries brought over some grapefruit juice and a few other things, the grapefruit juice is horrid, though it does what it needs to lol,

Anyway  that's it for now,

Q how much baking do you do? and what do you cook?

Annoying Little Thing

Ok so this might sound very trivial though i have notice one little annoying thing with Daniel, 

He has to have the last word/say

I know that this is the least of our concerns and worries though it is really annoying and it really bugs me, it's nothing major or anything though when ever we are talking about life in general or the kids etc, what ever i say he has to have the last little bit, if i add anything onto his last little bit he adds more after and it can continue on like this until i leave it and walk away I know this might and does sound really selfish of me though it really gets under my skin, And its not just me he does it with its with everyone




I dont know how anyone else feels about this though it can get me feeling quite embarrassed when we go out of i have people over as its the same then as well

Q: Do you know anyone like this? And if so how do you deal with it?

2 more day

well its only 2 more day now until i give up Smokes Alcohol and Coffee, i havent had  a drink since Christmas my last drink before that was when Daniel and I had a weekend away and then before that was a couple of weeks before i found out i was pregnant with Deacan so giving up Alcohol wont be that bad/hard for me

the hardest bit will be the Coffee and Smokes, thought its well worth it, so come Monday there is nothing!!!!! i am so looking forward to it, its a small price to pay though well worth it in the end,

Had a visit from the missionaries today, it was good chatting to them and also learning about the 10 commandments and also the few commandments that the Church holds,
they told me good new today :) As long as i stop smoking when i do and Stop completely i can be baptized a week after that so i am so happy i will be a member of the Holland Park Chapter,

SO my Baptism is booked for the 11/2/11 at 4pm I'm scared though happy about it at the same time,  They said because its such a big step for me it would be good if my Family could be there for it, though i can see Daniel wont be able to get the time off work plus he wont just for that any way, I will have the boys with me so Sister Preston will be able to give me a hand with them, I dont want to ask Peter if he would mind coming as i know he wont know what time he will finish work and plus he would of been on his feet all day
though i will make sure i take the camera to get some photos,

I know this doesnt mean anything to most people though it has a lot of meaning to me and i really want to do this,

I have Church tomorrow kinda scared about that, though it needs to be done, Sister Preston is letting me go with her and her family so i wont be alone for that, and i will have the missionaries there for support as well,

well that is it for now
Untill next time
Sarah xx

Added Things

Hey everyone just letting you all know that i have added more things to my blog aka links, i will be adding more and more as time goes on,
Feel free to have a look at what you want to as i am trying to add as much as i can to suit everyone,

Let me know what you think

Bring on Monday

Well as some of you know on Monday i am Quitting Smoking and drinking Coffee, i am going cold turkey on both, As part of my religion that i want to join you need to be with each of those for one week before you are able to be baptized,

Most people dont understand why i am doing this and thats fair enough i dont expect them to, though this is something that i need/want to do so i am going to do it, and it doesnt matter what anyone says i am still going to do it,

I will be keeping a Diary on here of each day so i can look back and see how i went with it all

Also on another note i have started to use my Fertility Friend account so i can get some understanding of my body and when i Ovulate and so forth, as so much has happend to my body in such a short amount of time, i have brought some OPK's off the internet to help me pin point the day i Ovulate as well, Plus it is great catching up with everyone on there as well
Though i figured that it would be great to understand what is going on with and what symptoms are with what, like O'ing and AF etc,

any how thats about it for the time being will fill you guys in with more later