Baptism

Well i had my Baptism today, It really wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be, and the feeling that i have now was well worth going with out and staying off the smokes and coffee etc,

I had a few photos taken here they are

I was really nervous before having it done, though afterward i felt so much better i felt lighter and warmer i know that must sound really strange though for me it isnt, i also feel a lot safer now as well

Very Bad day

Things have just gone from bad to worse today, I really should not of gotten out of bed

To start of with i was pregnant it really was not planned as much as anyone says it really wasnt, we were using condoms or pulling out, and before anyone says anything about pulling out as a birth control method we really though it was, though guessing not though i had my beta lvl done on Wednesday I was 13 DPO and i got the results back today they were only 15, he said that it should of been higher as i was showing up on normally pregnancy test, I also told him that i was bleeding and that it was bright red and passing quite large clotts he said that i was miscarrying and that there was no point doing another Beta,
I really dont know how to feel to be honest i am upset over it though shocked at the same time, and i just feel empty, I was really starting to warm up to the idea of being a mum again, and i think Daniel was starting to warm up to the idea of being a dad again as well,

I think daniel told him mum today that I lost the baby, im pretty sure she would be happy over it, as she called me the other day when i told her that i was pregnant and ripped into me, she wasnt happy about it at all, she told/sternly asked me to have an abortion and i turned around and said NO straight out, then she asked how i would feel if i miscarried, I told her if i was under 12 weeks i would be upset though I would be as sad about it as i was when we lost Bryce, though i said that if i lost the baby after the 12 weeks i would be very sad, she then said Well i hope you Miss.... i cut her off straight away with it and started to yell at her, as i knew she was going to say "well i hope you miscarriage then"  I was so angry i seen red

I was only 4 weeks according to Fertility Friend i had not even been for an ultrasound so i m not even sure though with my Beta level being low like it was i really dont think the pregnancy would of went any longer even if i done everything thing i could to stop it, besides what i had done, i didnt smoke or drink coffee i was also eating right and sleeping right as well i was really going to do everything that i could to make sure i made it to the 40 weeks


though now i really dont know how to feel.... i wouldnt mind trying again once these boys are older and are less needy, though i am pretty sure that Daniel will be getting the snip now,

also on another note besides all that happening today, I dropped my brand new phone and smashed the front of it so now i cant use it.... and its less than a week old..... so now i have to get another one added to my plan or get my old phone unlocked so i can put this sim card into it,

And wait there is more
Both the boys came home with snotty noses today from daycare, so thats just great, going ot have to keep a really good eye on them as they are prown to getting bronchitis and RSV from it, so i can see if jason starts having problems breathing it will be back up to the hospital to get him checked out so if jason has something Deacan more than likely has it to......



its 6.15pm and Daniel still isnt home from work he sent me a txt at about 6ish saying he still had not left work and its about an 1 1/2  trip back so just YAY


anyway thats it for now ill chat more later

That time

Well i am guess it is coming around to that time now with Jason, and i swear not that far behind Deacan....

All of a sudden now over the past 4 to 5 days Jason has turned so naughty he does what ever he wants when he wants it doesnt matter how many times you tell him "no" or move him away from what ever he is doing that is naughty he just does right back and does it, its starting to become very tiresome and i am starting to get sick of wasting my breath,
I have tried and tried to be very patient with him as i know it is only a "stage" though he is wearing the ice very very thin,

Deacan must be going through the terrible 1's lol if there were such a thing he is now starting to scream at everything if something doesnt work as he wants to he screams and throws a nana, if he drops anything he screams, if we are not paying him enough attention he lets out a lot of screams they are very high pitched and very irritating,  he does it all the bloody time..... and there is only so much one person can take of it, i swear i would rather listen to finger nails down a chalk board.........

I guess the kids are getting board at home compared to daycare as there is more to do there than what there is here i have them in daycare 3 days a week Monday Wednesday and Friday they dont go in for long  i drop them off around 7am and pick them up by 3pm, so they have enough time to play and learn while mummy has time top clean and do everything that she needs to do,

Both the boys have their party next month i need to start organizing it., Jason is turning 2 and Deacan is turning 1 so they are having a party together easiest thing until they know the difference,

though yeah tats it at the moment will write more later when the boys are being better behaved

Trying couple of day

Well all i can say is that the past couple of days have been ever so trying........


they have made it very HARD not to go back to smoking or at least have a coffee though its now been 8 days since i have had a smoke or coffee, and i am not going to let some self absorbed people make me start again i am better than that, and i am not going to stoop to their level and cave as that's probably all that they want

Daniel and I have come into some really shocking news that we are just not read to pass on yet as we are coming to ways to deal with it and to see what is going to happen its our choice no one else its Daniel and my life no one else

though thanks to a good couple of people my view have shot through the roof... so for someone saying that i am so self absorbed and love creating so much drama thanks for feeding it *dickheads*

this is my page views for the past 2 days

Pageviews today

131

Pageviews yesterday

204

thank you for hte stats guy really thanks *waves*  though like seriously can you please stop posting my link on other boards??? like really do you all need to cause more drama, its so funny how people are that gutless they post crap about you where you cant see it i guess that makes them ever so big lol
any how thats it for the time being Jason is crying and wants to get out of bed again and i have tea cooking
so until next time
Sarah xx

Laughing

Why do people seriously have to laugh at my expense for?
People read what i write here and then laugh about it,  i never knew that people could be so sick,
Or really get off on other peoples unhappiness,

Like seriously i have no problem with people reading this thats why i took it off private as i have nothing to hide in here,

though it really makes me Mad when people then have to take the link of my blog to OTHER sites and post it on there for others to bitch and judge me about it
Like seriously how bloody low can some people get,

And people have the nerve to say i have no life LMFAO!!!! look at the you like seriously i can see where you post my link to my blog, i can SEE everyone who sees this LOL and people really think they can get away with it,

The true form of a bully.....

Since where cant people come and talk to the ones they have a problem with, why do they have to go about things so secretly for? People just dont think DO YOU!!!!!!

Its funny it really is, to see the reffering sites that people have been coming from, and that people think its just so much fun to post my thoughts out there for other people to mock...
Seriously GROW UP get a life and get over yourself

So Happy

YAY i am so happy i have been coffee and smoke free for one week now!!!!! YAY

One of those days

Well today has just been "one of those days"

My new phone got switched over today, so i have been trying to figure out how to use it, 

tried getting most of the house work done though that didnt happen lol,

Got a call from the daycare about Deacan they said he had a bad rash and that we needed to pick him up. we wasnt able to get him in to the doctor so instead we took him up to the hospital to get checked out we were up there for about 4 hours just to find out that it was just a Viral rash though i am glad its nothing major

oh and a whole lot of drama started today on the Fertility site that i am a member of,

they all took it upon themselves to think i was TTC  just becuase i have started to chart again, and becuase i went out and brought OPK's and HTP's i brought a lot of OPK's so i can try and pin point the day that i ovulate,  ao i know thats when daniel and i have to be EXTRA careful,

Oh and because our version of BC isnt up to others standards, either we use condoms or Daneil Pulls out either way we are fine,  though even after all that crap with having to defend myself for something i should not have to i still didnt go out for a smoke or have a coffee so I am very happy with that,

SO yeah basiclly with people who dont want drama they why do they cause it themselves for? on this topic of the board there is like 60+ replies to it, and instead of people acting like ADULTS they didnt come and talk to me about it, they had to start up a topic about it,

I very rarely go on that board any more, mainly cos i am to busy to sit there and read/reply to every post there, when i do go on and check whats been said i dont reply to a lot as i don't know what to say. though still why am i even bothering to to explain myself for???

Oh and i have my blog link in my signature on there, then they turn around and say that its jsut drama ra ra ra ra, i dont remember the EXACT words that they used though to be honest i cant be bothered going on there and seeing what they have wrote, cos then i will reply to it  and then add more fuel to the fire,

So Daniel knows that i am back on Fertility Friend and that i am Charting yet, not to sure if he knows that i have OPK's though he hasnt asked about it, if he does i will tell him why,

So besides all that happening today, i havent managed to get the house clean as i have the father in law and his daughter coming over tonight for tea and possible staying the night,

So i am trying to keep all the drama and negativity away from me there has been so much of it with in the past 3 years, i dont need more of it this year,

any how thats all for now,  will update all a bit later,

More than likely the girls from FF are reading this and going to start more crap though oh well

any how chat soon

Sarah xx